Doctor Patient Privileges
by grave-walker
Summary: Sequel fic to 'Student Teacher Relations' Dean/Sam. Sam's a doctor and a very busy man it seems as though his work is taking him further and further away from Dean. Why is Sam seemingly sabotaging his own relationship? Is the damage beyond repair?
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One

Chapter One

It was still dark and freezing when Sam arrived at the hospital. Another half hour and the sun would be up. Sam got out of his car and wrapped his coat tight around himself as he hurried over to the front doors of the hospital. He smiled at the desk clerk as he passed admissions.

'Hi Doctor McQueen,' she greeted.

'Hey Susan, you just get in or about to leave?' Sam asked.

'Just got in, sent Jerry home five minutes ago,' she explained.

'I guess I'll be seeing you then,' Sam waved.

'I didn't expect you to be here today though,' she spoke quickly before Sam could leave.

'…what do you mean?' Sam asked.

'You're not registered on today' she spoke as she clenched the sheet 'It's suppose to be your day off.'

Sam frowned.

'Well I was registered yesterday morning,' he held out his hand and Susan handed him the sheet.

'Oh well, not to worry, give it a couple more minutes and ring Dr Zeddmore. Tell him he can have the day off,' Sam directed and handed her back the sheet 'He's always complaining about not getting enough time off.'

'Yes Doctor,' she nodded and began to make the changes to the book.

Sam signed in and headed up to the surgical wing. He entered the attending's lounge and found Dr Alan Corbet already there.

'Hey man,' Sam greeted and opened his locker 'On call last night?'

'Ah yeah, hey,' Alan greeted 'I thought you were off today?'

'Nah, turns out someone messed with the register,' Sam clarified

'Oh, tough break. So who's off today then?'

'Zeddmore.'

'Oh,' Corbet's face fell a little.

'I'm sorry man but I don't know what it is you see in the guy, he's a complete douche.' Sam expressed and undressed.

'Yeah I know…he's just…but there's more to him than that.' Corbet tried.

'More to being a douche?' Sam asked with a smirk and shook his head 'Whatever.'

'So what's on your agenda today?' Sam asked as he got into his scrubs.

'Removing a tumour in an hour, then maybe I'll have to go in on a guy that came in yesterday. Fell off his own fire escape.'

'Smart,' Sam remarked and ran a hand through his hair before wrapping the stethoscope around his neck.

'He was on the third floor,' Corbet added.

'Ouch,' Sam sympathized.

'So he's got more pressing matters at the moment, but they're gonna run a few more tests once general's done saving his life. I think he might have a lesion in the left temporal lobe,' Corbet described 'If the Broca's area is damaged he's gonna have a hard life in front of him.'

'Yeah well I know very few people, who _don't_ like talking,' Sam headed for the door and held it open as he and Corbet passed through.

'Just have to wait and see,' Corbet shrugged 'hey you wanna grab a quick cup of coffee?'

'You buying?' Sam grinned.

Maggie Oh stood by the nurse's station arms crossed and waiting for her bumbling interns. They were already ten minutes late. Maggie checked her watch again. They'd pay for their lateness, no matter the excuse. Maggie had a reputation of putting her interns through their paces. Which usually wasn't like her, those that really knew her knew she was a kind, sensitive and very empathetic person. But those characteristics don't carry you very far in medicine, ironically, and especially not in surgery. So she adopted a second hard ass, take no shit personality for her work and it worked well for her. She was chief resident and had a very good reputation involving her skills with a knife. The fact that all her close friends at the hospital were kick ass attending surgeons only supported the fearful reputation.

Finally the interns appeared at a run toward her, out of breath and dishevelled.

'Where the hell have you been? Rounds were meant to start fifteen minutes ago!' she exclaimed.

'Sorry Doctor Oh, some kid in paediatrics puked all over my scrubs and my others were in the laundry so I had to borrow-,' one of the interns spoke.

'And that required help from all four of you?' Maggie asked the rest of the group.

They all looked panicked trying to grasp at something to say.

'Pathetic really,' Maggie glared 'Don't ever let it happen again. If it were possible I'd make you all handle scut for the rest of the day. Now grab a damn chart and follow me.'

She headed of down the hallway with her interns chasing after her. They entered the first room and walked over to the man lying in the hospital bed, there's a woman by his side, most likely the wife.

'Hey Doc,' the man greeted.

'Hello Mr Weiss,' Maggie greeted warmly then turned to the interns and her gaze turned to steel 'Now which of you can tell me about Mr Weiss?'

'Ah I can!' the stringy intern with glasses stepped in.

'Great then why don't you-,'

'Good Morning everyone,' the group turned as Dr McQueen entered the room. Maggie's jaw dropped in surprise.

'Doctor McQueen! What are you doing here?' Maggie gaped 'I thought you were off today?'

'Not today,' Sam smiled and turned to the patient 'Hello Mr and Mrs Weiss, my name is doctor McQueen and I'll be taking charge of your case until you're released.'

'What happened to Doctor Benton?' Mrs Weiss asked.

'Dr McQueen is one of our attending cardio surgeons, as well as formally being Dr Benton's top student. He's more than qualified to handle your case.' Dr Oh clarified.

'Dr Benton is our chief of surgery so he is a very busy man. He told me to take good care of you, don't worry,

'Hi,' Mr Weiss greeted and frowned in thought 'McQueen huh? I gotta say you look mighty familiar doc.'

'Do I? Perhaps I just have one of those faces,' Sam humoured 'now who has Mr Weiss's chart?'

'I do,' the four eyed string bean spoke up and handed Sam the chart.

'Mr Weiss, forty-seven years old suffered an acute myocardial infarction last night at around eight pm. Dr Benton treated with TB and ordered constant monitoring for twelve to thirteen hours,' she recited.

'Ahuh, and why did he use TB?' Sam quizzed.

'Thrombolytic therapy is indicated for the treatment if the drug can be administered within 12 hours of the onset of symptoms of an acute myocardial infarction, it's far less expensive and risky procedure.' She answered.

'And if the patient presented more than 12 hours after symptoms commenced?' Sam tested.

'Then the risk of intracranial bleed is considered higher than the benefits of the thrombolytic agent and the patient is then either treated conservatively with anticoagulants and allowed to complete the infarction or PCI would be the next step.' She spoke quickly.

'Very good,' Sam commended 'Mr Weiss this is doctor…'

'Stale.' String bean provided.

'Dr Stale, she'll be assisting you today,' Sam introduced 'But since you're obviously not in any pain and your symptoms have stopped, this strongly suggests that you're going to be just fine.'

'Oh thank you doctor!' Mrs Weiss sighed.

'Not a problem,' Sam smiled.

'The Knicks!' Mr Weiss exclaimed suddenly making all of the doctors jump.

'Excuse me?' Maggie asked.

'I'm a huge Knicks fan! I tape every game they play, watch one maybe two every day.' He admitted.

'He does, it's pathetic,' Mrs Weiss confirmed.

'The 2006 games, you had court side seats for almost every game. You rake in that kind of money doc?' Weiss asked.

Sam laughed and scratched his head awkwardly.

'Are you kidding? In 2006 Dr McQueen was a resident. Nothing but lousy pay, long hours and debt,' Maggie explained.

'Then how'd you get the court side seats?' Weiss asked.

'I-ah know someone on the team,' Sam explained and tried to look busy examining Mr Weiss's chart.

'No kidding?! Who?' Weiss asked.

'The Coach,' Maggie intervened.

'Coach Winchester? Holy shit! The man's come up with some of the greatest plays I've ever seen. He's a total genius!' Weiss went on.

'Yeah, just ask him,' Sam grinned.

'So how come I haven't seen you at any of the recent games?' Weiss asked.

'I've been very busy. Afraid I just haven't had the time,' Sam handed the chart back to Stale.

'Keep an eye on his monitor and page me if his condition changes,' Sam directed 'I'll see you later Mr Weiss.'

'Thanks doc! Tell the coach to keep up the great average!'

'Sure,' Sam smiled and left room with Maggie and the interns following him.

'Just so you know my confidence in you has been severely depleted' Sam spoke to Maggie.

'I don't know what you're talking about,' Maggie feigned.

'You took my name off the schedule yesterday,' Sam stated.

'I most certainly did n-,' Maggie cut herself off at Sam's knowing stare 'Okay, yes I did. I thought you'd appreciate the day off, especially today.'

'What's so important about today?' Sam asked.

'Dean comes back from LA? Ring any bells?' Maggie reminded.

'Yeah, I know…so?' Sam asked as they continued down the hallway.

'So? He's been gone for over a month Sam, and he's coming back today with the entire day off. Stupid me I thought you'd want to spend some time with your boyfriend of twelve years,' she huffed.

'He's a grown man Maggie. He's got drivers to pick him up from the airport and drop him home, and I've got work to do, he knows how busy I am.' Sam shrugged.

'A huh,' she agreed sceptically.

'Maybe you could leave him some flowers at your home instead?' one of the interns offered.

Sam and Maggie turned and looked at them, they had both completely forgotten that they had an audience.

'I really don't think that's any of your business,' Maggie glared.

'S-sorry,' the intern stammered 'Only it's not like it's a secret. The whole hospital knows that Dr McQueen is dating the captain of the Knicks.'

'You're annoying me,' Maggie stated and the interns shut their mouths 'Go to the next room I'll be there shortly.'

The interns scurried away and Maggie turned to Sam.

'And you're annoying me too!' she stated as she turned to Sam 'A month is a long time Sam. Go home! And god help you if I see you in the hospital after this. I'm good friends with some of the nurses after all, I can make your life a living hell. How do rectal exams and enema's sound to you?'

Sam left the hospital because he always had plans on a Sunday. That's right, he had plans and was definitely _not_ afraid of Maggie or the wrath of Maggie that would incur if she should catch him at the hospital, god forbid, doing his job. Sam entered the gym and felt his hip vibrate. He stopped and examined his very expensive and very handy phone. He had 1 voice message. He dialled the number and held it up to his ear, a familiar voice of sex spoke in his ear.

'Hey, I'm back at the apartment with the entire day to kill, a very rare occurrence, and you're not here. I guess you're at work, big shock there. Anyway, hurry back as soon as you can, I got a surprise for your giant ass. That's right a surprise, very girly of me I know, and it doesn't happen often so it's all the more reason to get the hell down here. Alright I'll give you the maximum deadline of nine o'clock, the maximum dude, what I got planned won't keep after that. Alright see you later man.' Dean finished.

Sam hung up, shoved his phone in his gym bag and headed straight for the basketball courts. The sight there made him smile.

'No, no way it's me and Anson versus Tommy and Jake,' Scott argued with crossed arms. Tommy bounced the ball rhythmically beside him and Jake stood opposite whilst Anson took off his shirt.

'Dude no, every time you two play against each other you get way too friendly on the court. You know when they say stay on your man they don't mean in a completely literal sense,' Jake debated.

'Oh come on, we're not a pair of horndogs we can play basketball without insinuating something sexual,' Scott defended.

'Dude! I've seen you guys grope each other nearly a dozen times in the past two Sundays alone,' Jake pointed out.

'Beside's who said you get to choose the teams? You're not in charge here Mr CEO. Truthfully I've had enough of ball this month to last me for good.' Anson added now shirtless.

'Then why the hell did you come then?' Tommy asked.

'Meh, nothing better to do,' Anson shrugged.

'Hey guys,' Sam stepped on the court.

'Hey Sam,' Scott greeted.

'What the hell are you doing here?' Tommy asked.

'Ah it's Sunday? We always play ball on a Sunday?' Sam reminded.

'Well yeah but we figured you wouldn't be coming today,' Jake clarified.

'Why not?' Sam asked.

'Ah because the Knicks just got back from a month of mid season training?' Anson clarified 'Why the hell aren't you home with Dean getting screwed on any flat surface available?'

'Dude! Too much!' Jake exclaimed.

'How the hell do you know if Sam's a top or a bottom? Sam could be the one screwing Dean against the flat surface?' Scott questioned.

Tommy and Anson both looked at Scott like he was an idiot.

'I hate you guys, seriously.' Jake grumbled.

'Can you seriously see Dean as a bottom?' Tommy asked him 'Sure maybe once in a while but that guy screams I'm gonna pin you down and fuck you till you scream.'

'Really?' Scott asked Tommy with a half glare.

'Dude nothing like what you're thinking. It's just tops know other tops and Dean is definitely the screwer,' Tommy clarified.

'Which makes our Sam here the screwee, aka: the bitch,' Anson slapped Sam on the back.

'I am no one's bitch,' Sam defended himself.

'Except Dean's you mean?' Tommy smirked.

'Hey here's an idea, how about we play some basketball?' Sam offered.

'Ahah! Trying to change the subject, very clear and incriminating evidence that Sam is the bottom!' Anson pointed upward in a eureka pose.

'It's okay Sam, there's no shame in being a bottom,' Tommy comforted.

'Hell yes there is!' Scott argued 'Only the same kind of seems insignificant when you're being pounded into at multiple angles, loosing your mind and cumming all over your chest.'

'So…you're speaking from experience then?' Anson clarified.

'Whatever,' Sam shrugged 'So where's Andy?'

'At home with the Mrs,' Anson answered.

'Alright then, so we've got two on two, me and Jake versus Tommy and Scott. Anson's ref,' Sam spoke up.

'Sounds good to me,' Anson slumped back on the bench.

'Yeah us too,' Scott nodded 'You good Jake?'

'I'm sorry, I blacked out after the screwing and flat surface talk, what are we doing?' Jake asked.

After the game the guys hit the showers and then came the usual endless teasing of Jake in the showers (who still wasn't very comfortable being around his very gay, yet taken, friends naked). Sam had left as Tommy hugged Jake from behind wearing only his towel whilst Jake was very much naked. Anson and Scott were pissing themselves at the remarkably high pitch of the homicide detectives squeal. Sam then drove back to the hospital and for the past five hours managed to do his job whilst evading Maggie, although he did have a couple of close calls. One of which involved twenty minutes of hiding in a private room with a patient who Sam was sure was there to dose up on inhibitors of neural pathways connecting the woman's brain to her mouth. Sam had almost lost all track of time finishing up on paperwork when an intern popped out of nowhere nearly shocking him to death.

'Hi Doctor McQueen,' she grinned.

'Ah hi…Dr Stale right?' Sam guessed.

'Yeah,' she beamed 'Ah Dr Benton sent me to tell you that Mr Weiss began presenting again this afternoon so he was taken into surgery an hour ago,'

'Why didn't you page me? Mr Weiss is my case now?' Sam asked.

'Ah well Dr Oh told me you went home so I paged Dr Benton, he only knew you were here cause one of the nurses saw you enter the attending's locker room,' she reasoned.

'Fine then, what else did Dr Benton say?' Sam asked.

'He said that if you wanted in on the surgery you're welcome in the OR, but he's already begun and it's a very lengthy and textbook procedure that you've already done over a couple dozen times so feel free to leave whenever you're able,' she finished.

Sam looked up at the clock on the wall that read 8:35 pm. He hesitated for 5 seconds.

'Tell Dr Benton I'll be scrubbing in,' Sam directed.

Sam turns the key in the lock and opens the door to this apartment. It's dark and quiet inside, almost as if Dean had never come home. Sam entered cautiously and put his keys on the rack, right underneath the clock that read 1:47. Sam shrugged off his coat and walked further into his home. A musky but pleasant fragrance wafted about the apartment and grew stronger as he neared the kitchen. He entered the dining room and found very cold and uneaten food on the table by a set of candles, no doubt the source of the fruity scent. Sam went into the kitchen and washed his hands before splashing his face running a hand through his hair. He turned around to find Dean standing in the hallway arms crossed with a frosty look on his face.

'You're too late,' Dean stated.

'Yeah sorry I had to work,' Sam excused.

'Surprising,' Dean spoke as though it were anything but 'how many fucking times is this scenario going to play out Sam?'

'Can we not do this?' Sam asked.

'Sure, whatever's fucking convenient for you!' Dean snapped.

'I'm tired Dean,' Sam sighed.

'So am I Sam. I'm tired of all this bullshit. Of _your_ bullshit!' Dean snapped 'I don't deserve this Sam!'

'Listen to yourself, you sound like a whiney little wife,' Sam stated.

The punch hit Sam hard and he fell back against the sink.

'Fine, have it your way. No more talking,' Dean snarled and punched Sam in the stomach.

Sam doubled over for a second before running at Dean from that height and hitting him in the chest, sending them both flying into the living room and landing heavily near the couch, dangerously close to the coffee table. Sam landed a couple hits to Dean's stomach before Dean flipped them and straddled Sam's waist. He managed to land one punch before all he could do was try to stop Sam from bucking him off or avoid the wild punches Sam was throwing at him. Eventually Dean managed to pin Sam's hands by his head and keep Sam tight against the ground to avoid being thrown off.

'You're such a fucking asshole,' Dean spat 'and that asshole belongs to me.'

'Fuck you Dean! I don't belong to anybody!'

'We both know that's bullshit,' Dean spoke and then bent down and pressed his lips against Sam's neck. He placed surprisingly gentle kisses to Sam's neck and Sam had to shut his eyes. Even when they were fighting, Dean was always gentle when things turned this way; he never hurt Sam when he was making love to him. And despite everything when Dean's hot tongue tasted the skin of Sam's neck it made Sam shiver and gasp as his cock hardened. Dean nibbled at Sam's collarbone and rocked his hips once but hard against Sam's erection. Sam groaned and tossed his head back, offering more of himself to Dean.

'See Sammy? You're already giving in. You're mine, and I'm gonna remind you of that, right the fuck now,' Dean whispered and began to grind his hip against Sam's cock.

'S bullshit,' Sam denied despite the pre-come staining his pants.

Dean manoeuvred Sam's wrists so could pin them with one hand and open Sam's jeans with the other. Sam couldn't help but cry out when the head of his cock passed through the slit of his boxers and Dean delicately ran a finger over the slit. Dean began to stroke, caress and tease in all the places that made Sam buck and gasp and groan. Sam was shaking from his attempts of control whilst Dean was sending his body to sweet nirvana. Dean extended his touch further and caressed the skin behind Sam's balls. The younger keened and arched up to his lover.

'There's no arguing or getting away from this Sam,' Dean whispered and made Sam gasp.

Dean continued his assault on Sam's sensitive and pleasure starved body. He stroked Sam's cock, caressed Sam's balls and barely brushed his touch over Sam's entrance. Sam was writhing and begging, fists white knuckled in Dean's grip. Ten minutes later and Sam was beyond any control whatsoever.

'If I let you go will you try to throw me off?' Dean asked.

'God…fuck no. Dean please! Let me touch you. I need to touch you baby please,' Sam begged.

Dean let go of Sam's wrists and Sam's arms immediately began to claw at Dean. Ripping off his older lover's shirt and throwing it god knows where as he shoved his hands down the back of Dean's jeans. There wasn't any talking after that, just cursing and groans and load shouts and whimpers as they both lost themselves in getting their fill of each other. It wasn't long until Dean had Sam spread wide and eased himself inside his lover. Dean began to move in an out, slowly at first before Sam urged him on, then Dean was pounding Sam into the rug. Sweat dripping off both of them, panting and falling a part; their bodies shaking with the too much pleasure building between them. Sam was a babbling mess as Dean thrust against his prostate and Sam's cock rubbed against the skin of Dean's belly. Sam came first clutching at Dean's shoulders and yelling. Dean came soon after as he bit into Sam's neck and filled his lover with come as he fucked Sam through his orgasm.

Sam passed out right there on the rug. Dean panting in his lover's neck as he tried to calm down. Dean sat up and pulled out of Sam with that familiar wet pop, the sound that never failed to give him a delightful shiver. Dean looked down at Sam and felt that tug in his belly. He ran his hand through Sam's hair and rested his head against Sam's for a few moments before he stood and lifted Sam into his arms. He carried Sam down the hall and into their room before gently placing Sam on their bed. Dean had no idea how he could love someone so much, even when that person hurt him nearly everyday. Worst of it all was Dean had no idea why. Why Sam was treating him like this, what he had done, all he wanted was Sam back the way he was. Innocent and so fucking full of love that he radiated it. Dean snuggled in close to Sam and breathed in his lover's scent. Even though Sam was right there in his arms, it felt like Sam…his Sam was gone and never coming back.

'I miss you,' Dean whispered into Sam's ear before closing his eyes and letting sleep blissfully take him somewhere else, knowing he would wake up in reality alone.

Sam took a very long sip of coffee and rubbed his eyes. He had been working since six o'clock and it was nearing lunch time. God he felt tired. Sam drank more coffee and through sheer force of will resumed his concentration on the chest films he was examining. I was in that moment when Andy burst through the door out of breath, a little sweaty and with a huge grin on his face.

'Hey Andy, what you doing here man?' Sam asked and placed the films back on the desk.

'It's Sarah, she's in labour man!' Andy exclaimed.

'What? Now?' Sam asked surprised.

'Yeah, it's a whole week early but the doctor said not to worry, that things are looking good. So I just wanted to come see you and let you know that we're here in the hospital and about to become some seriously kick ass parents,' Andy exclaimed.

'Dude, that's…really really amazing,' Sam emphasised 'But if Sarah's in labour than shouldn't you be with her?'

'Nah the doc said it was going to be a long labour so I had plenty of time to come find you, she's cool she understands.' Andy disregarded.

'Dude, you should go to her now, trust me, once the pain really starts she definitely will care and she will hold it over your head for your entire life if you abandon her while she's giving birth to your child,' Sam promised.

'…really?' Andy paled.

'Oh yeah I've seen it happen,' Sam confirmed 'So go be with her, I'll come and check up with you guys when I can.'

Sam's pager goes off interrupting their conversation. Sam's pulls it out of his white coat and checks the display.

'Oh shit, I got to go Andy, I'll see you later,' Sam speaks quickly as he runs down the hallway toward the emergency room. Sam enters the ER and it's in a complete panic. Nurses, doctors and people injured and screaming everywhere. Sam sees Maggie and hurries over to her.

'What's wrong, what happened?' Sam asked.

'An ambulance on the way to the hospital turned into the one way street heading in the wrong direction. A lot of people were injured, a lot of carnage which means lots of awesome surgeries,' Maggie beamed.

'Most of the damn people on that street were probably on their way to the god damn hospital anyway, I guess this just gets them here faster and as a bonus now they don't have to wait for a minimum of an hour,' Zeddmore suddenly appeared beside them.

'Way to look on the positive side of a disaster asshole,' Spruce pushed past him to one of the bloodied patients.

'I do try,' Zeddmore sighed as Sam hurried over to paramedics who just wheeled a young girl through the door.

Half an hour later and they were still in a panic. With way too many patients and not enough doctors.

'Doctor McQueen!' Sam turned to find a very vulnerable looking intern looking up at him scared out of her mind.

'Yeah what is it?' Sam asked.

'Another one is coming in, they just had to cut him out of the car, I'm suppose to contact my resident but I can't find him,' she stressed.

'That's alright, tell me what's the injuries?' Sam asked.

'Severe head trauma, and a crushed leg with other minor injuries. Paramedics say a red tag, they don't even know if he'll arrive here alive,' she recounted.

'Okay now listen to me, page Dr Corbet and the orthopaedic surgeon on call, tell them what's going on,' Sam instructed.

'So it's for neuro and ortho?' she asked.

'Yeah sounds like the head injury and the leg are our primary focus. So contact them, I'll take care of him until they get here,' Sam promised and hurried to the ambulance bay.

Sam shoved on a new pair of gloves as the ambulance pulled up and the paramedics wheeled out the guy on a gurney. They shouted further complications at him as they pushed in through the doors of the hospital. Sam nodded the okay and the paramedics hurried back to the ambulance and the scene. Maggie hurried over to him all out of breath and high on adrenaline.

'What have we got?' she asked.

'Red tag, crushed leg and major cranial bleed,' Sam recounted and pulled back the bandage on the guy's head to ask him his name.

Sam froze and forgot to breath.

'Oh my god,' Maggie gasped.

Sam's arms were shaking as he cradled the guy's face and whipped the blood from his freckled cheeks.

'Dean?' Sam whispered.


	2. Chapter 2

_Sam shoved on a new pair of gloves as the ambulance pulled up and the paramedics wheeled out the guy on a gurney. They shouted further complications at him as they pushed in through the doors of the hospital. Sam nodded the okay and the paramedics hurried back to the ambulance and the scene. Maggie hurried over to him all out of breath and high on adrenaline. _

'_What have we got?' she asked. _

'_Red tag, crushed leg and major cranial bleed,' Sam recounted and pulled back the bandage on the guy's head to ask him his name. _

_Sam froze and forgot to breathe. _

'_Oh my god,' Maggie gasped. _

_Sam's arms were shaking as he cradled the guy's face and whipped the blood from his freckled cheeks. _

'_Dean?' Sam whispered. _

'Someone call Dr Benton!' Maggie shrieked.

Dean lay in the bed unresponsive. Sam bent down and pressed his head against Dean's as tears formed and his throat constricted painfully. All Sam could think was 'God no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.'.

'Dean, come on baby please wake up,' Sam begged.

'Someone hurry!' Maggie yelled again and tried to pull Sam back. Sam shoved her away and stroked Dean's cheeks.

'Don't you dare die, not like this, not with how we left...please Dean wake up,' Sam begged.

'What the hell is going on Maggie? McQueen, what are you doing?' Dr Benton asked.

'Patient with severe head trauma, a crushed leg and other minor injuries…it's Dean Winchester sir,' Maggie clarified.

'And that means what to me doctor?' Dr Benton snapped 'McQueen what the hell are you doing?'

'Shut up!' Sam screamed 'Come on Dean you can do it, just open your eyes baby come on.'

'Dean is Sam's partner sir…for twelve years,' she clarified.

The sound of feet running over was echoed by an 'Oh god,'

Corbet and Spruce looked on at the scene with shock.

'Corbet, take this man to OR1 immediately,' Dr Benton instructed 'Come on Sam you need to let go,'

'No, no way,' Sam shook his head and then rested it by Dean's 'Please, please Dean. Just please.'

'Should I get security?' Spruce asked.

'Don't you dare!' Maggie snapped.

'Sam,' Corbet spoke softly 'Come on man, you have to let him go. I can't help him here, and he needs surgery immediately or he _will_ die.'

'I am NOT leaving him!' Sam yelled.

'Sam, son listen to me,' Benton rested his hand on Sam's shoulder 'There's nothing you can do even if you stay with him,'

'I can, I'm a surgeon. I'm a fucking great surgeon, and I'm going into surgery with him,' Sam stated and snatched Dean's chart from Maggie's hands.

'Sam you know I can't let you do that, you're too emotional right now, and he's injuries aren't related to cardio,' Benton reasoned 'Listen to me Sam. Corbet is one of the best neuro surgeons in the country, as is our ortho team,'

Sam clutched at the rail of Dean's gurney with a white knuckled grip.

'I need to be with him,' Sam whimpered.

'No you don't,' Benton disagreed 'and I'll be in there with him too,'

'You will?' Sam asked, tears still streaming down his face.

'Yes I will. You learnt from me Sam, you know he's in good hands,' Benton comforted and held out his hand for Dean's chart 'Let him go, help someone you _can_ save, we need you and Dean needs surgery now.'

Sam let Benton take the chart from his hands and Benton nodded to Corbet. Sam bent down and pressed his lips against Dean's cold ones. Before Corbet pushed the gurney toward the elevator Benton patted his back and hurried along behind him. Sam wiped his face against the sleeve of his coat and sniffed back tears. Maggie looked up at him concerned and teary.

'Go with them?' Sam asked her 'I need someone in there who'll let me know what's going on.'

Maggie nodded and hurried toward the stairs and OR1. Sam turns to the emergency doors and awaits the next patient whose life the fucking ambulance ruined.

Sam ran himself ragged in the ER. As soon as Dr Benton left he gave explicit orders to the staff that Sam was not to enter an OR. However due to the amount of injuries Sam was still needed to sort the arrivals and charts of the patients. Sam had been running on pure adrenaline, body and mind half numb with shock, focused only on his work, the people that needed him. Only when things started to calm down did Sam realise how physically and emotionally exhausted he was. What had happened, Dean's accident seemed like a horrid and overwhelming dream. Sam found himself hopelessly praying that it was all just a dream. That he would finish up, go home and Dean would be there waiting for him; gorgeous, healthy and pissed at Sam for leaving him early and without a word this morning. Sam felt sick and rushed over to grab a clean bedpan from a nearby shelf. He felt the burning gag as what little he had eaten emptied in the bedpan.

Sam fell to his knees, unable to breath. Dean could die, his beautiful, cocky Dean. He'd never see him again. Never see Dean's smile, his crooked smirk, never hear his crude jokes, never clean up after him, never wash him in the shower, never press against him and share his warmth in bed as he breathed in deep Dean's musky smell. He'd never touch, hold or kiss Dean again. Sam crouched and leant against the wall as he sobbed. God he loved him. He really did. He tried to…contain it, his emotions, but Dean…God he wished he could take it all back. That he could have just been with Dean yesterday, that he told him more often how much he loved him that it never stopped, never faded. It hadn't stopped once since he had first begun to love him, when Dean would smile knowingly at him in his old Maple Bay couching uniform.

Sam banged his head against the wall as he wept. Why had he been so fucking stupid? Why did any of this shit have to happen? What kind of fucking idiot drives down a one way street in the wrong fucking direction?! Why Dean? Why did Dean have to be there? Then it hit Sam, Dean was coming here. He was on the way to the hospital. To see him. He was on his way to see Sam because Sam had left without a word that morning. Sam threw up once more but didn't make the bedpan. Everything, ever single thing, it was all his fault. Sam was probably never going to be with Dean again and it was entirely his own fault.

Sam sat in the private waiting room in his coat, despite the robe, had blood on it and he was trembling. He had started during his breakdown in the hallway and hadn't stopped since. Sam ran his hand through his hair and tried to take a calming breath. It didn't work, he couldn't calm down. He was a mess inside and out.

'Dr McQueen?'

Sam looked up at the intern from before looking down at him with pity.

'I'm sorry sir but I was trying to get in touch with Mr Winchester's next of kin and I've been unsuccessful in reaching his father. I think the information may be old?' the intern spoke to him.

'No, it's right. John's probably at the garage. He spends more time there then he does at home,' Sam clarified.

'Oh…do you have a number when I can reach him?' she asked.

'No I…I think it's best that I call him,' Sam thought and nodded to himself 'Yeah, I better…I'll call him.'

Sam pulled out his phone and found John's number in his contacts before pressing the call button. It rang six times before it was answered.

'Half Decent auto repair, this is Guenther,' Guenther answered.

'Hey Guenther, it's Sam McQueen,'

'Heya Sam, how you doing? Haven't heard from you boys in a while,' Guenther greeted 'Although I think Dean stayed with John for a few days last month, how are you doing?'

'Guenther is ah-…I need to speak to John…is he there?' Sam asked.

'Yeah he's here…you okay Sam?' Guenther asked concerned.

'Yeah I'm fine. I just need to speak to John,' Sam stressed.

'Sure thing I'll go get him,' Guenther spoke followed by clinking sounds as he put the phone down. There was silence for about two minutes before there was more rustling and John's deep voice sounded on the other line.

'Sam?' John asked.

'Hey John,' Sam's voice cracked.

'Hey kid…everything okay?' John asked worried.

'Ah no, not…things are bad. Really, really bad,' Sam's trembling worsened 'Dean's in trouble.'

'Okay, how much trouble and what sort are we talking here?' John asked

'Dean was in an accident, a bad one. He's sustained major injuries and he's…he could die…Dean could die,' Sam explained and began to cry once more.

'Jesus,' John breathed.

'We're…he's gonna need you here John. You need to come up here,' Sam informed 'As soon as you can. Even though I'm his lov- I'm with him and a doctor, I'm technically not family and I can't see him or even know his condition until they inform you so…'

'Of course, I'll be there as soon as I can,' John swore.

'O-okay. I'll book you the tickets…I'm so sorry John.' Sam's cracked and let out a shaky breath.

'Hey, hey, hey. None of this is your fault. You hear me?' John comforted 'Now you hang in there until I get back.'

Sam nodded and sighed.

'Okay, I'm on my way now, see you soon son,' John finished.

'Yeah, bye,' Sam spoke and hung up before taking a deep breath and dialling the airport. After the airport Sam would have more calls to make; to Anson, to let whoever at the NBA know that Dean was in critical condition, and then to his own family and Tristan and Greg in LA.

About forty minutes later Dr Benton finally entered the waiting room still in his scrubs with blood, Dean's blood, staining the navy material. Sam's heart pounded in his chest, his body tensed and he broke into a cold sweat.

'Sam,' Benton stood in front of him 'has the immediate family arrived yet?'

Sam took a deep shaky breath and shook his head, not trusting his voice.

'Then I'm sorry, I can't tell you about Dean's condition, not until they get here,' Benton apologised and rested a hand on Sam's shoulder. Sam broke a little and buried his head in his hands, trying to dissipate the overwhelming anger, desperation and fear inside himself. He felt Benton walk away. Sam put his head between his knees trying to breathe and stop the room from spinning. For a while all he could hear was the overpowering noise of his racing heart and his deep, quick breathing. Dean could be dead right now, laid out on a cold slab, alone and empty.

'So!' someone yelled loudly, Sam recognised it as Maggie's voice and looked up 'I'm just going to go check up on my patient now! My patient, Dean Winchester, I'm just going to leave his chart here, in the rack, and then I'm going to go and check up on him. In post op. in the room next to the awesome coffee machine. Yep. That's where I'm going…right now…here's the chart.'

'Yes we get it. Thank you Dr Oh, you know despite what you doctors think we nurses aren't complete idiots!' the nurse behind the desk snapped in frustration.

Maggie looked at Sam and winked at him as she turned and walked down the hallway. Sam waited a few moments before he stood and walked calmly past the desk, he calmly snatched up Dean's chart and once he was out of sight, broke out into a run toward the elevators and post op.

Sam stood before Dean's bed breathless and terrified. Completely afraid of what he would see when he opened Dean's chart. Dean appeared to be sleeping very deeply, he was pale and the monitors seemed promising. Although they would display the same results for a stable brain dead patient as well. Sam took a deep breath and opened the chart. Sam read through it before he placed the chart at the end of Dean's bed and climbed on to rest beside Dean. He clutched at Dean's hospital gown and buried his head in Dean's motionless yet still warm shoulder and sobbed into his lover's skin.

When Sam awoke it was still dark and the clock showed that barely an hour had passed since he had laid next to Dean. He looked up past Dean to the other side of the bed and found a familiar face in the seat beside them.

'Hey,' Andy spoke softly.

'Hey,' Sam returned.

'Anson called me. I cam as soon as I could,' Andy spoke and then looked around 'Why do I get the feeling we're _so_ not suppose to be here?'

'Cause we're not,' Sam clarified.

'Oh…so that makes sense then,' Andy nodded then looked at his friend in concern 'You okay?'

Sam sniffed and snuggled closer to Dean.

'No, not really,' Sam admitted.

'Okay,' Andy nodded 'how about him?'

'No…he's not okay,' Sam's voice cracked and he clutched at Dean.

'Okay, you don't have to tell me, but you _do_ need to leave with me now,' Andy directed.

'No, I won't leave him again,' Sam refused.

'Being with him won't change his condition Sam. And no offence but you look like crap,' Andy pointed out 'If I woke up from an accident the last thing I'd want to see is that ugly mug staring at me.'

'Andy please,' Sam whimpered and dug his face closer into Dean's neck.

'Right sorry, not a good time for jokes just…I'm worried about you, you need to go home, get some rest, so when you're with him when he wakes up tomorrow you won't be half dead with exhaustion and smelling worse than baby gunk, and trust me that stuff stinks.'

Andy got up and touched Sam's arm.

'Come on man, I'll take care of you, and your friend Maggie will take care of him,' Andy urged.

Sam nodded and stood up from the bed, what Andy said made sense. He'd shower and he'd rest but there's no way he's leaving the hospital. Sam bent and pressed a soft kiss on Dean's forehead before turning and leaving with a supportive arm around his shoulders.

John hurried over to the admissions desk dressed in his favourite leather jacket, tired from the flight and scared out of his wits for his son. His Dean.

'Excuse me, I'm looking for Dean Winchester?' John asked the desk jockey.

'Ahuh and you are?' she asked.

'John Winchester, I'm his father,' John clarified.

'Okay, let me just see…alright I'll page Dr Oh she'll be with you in a moment,' she stated.

'How long exactly is a moment? Cause I just flew the god damn red eye because his partner and a doctor here, told me that my one and only son was in a severe car accident and could very well die, possibly at any moment. Miss, I want to see my son and no offence but doctors and hospitals aren't well known for their speedy service,' John spoke and crossed his arms.

'Dr Oh told me to page her as soon as you arrived, she'll take you up to the room, it'll only take a moment' she repeated and smiled politely and then returned to her work.

John grumbled about useless receptionists and then proceeded to stand around like an idiot for five minutes before a young pretty Asian woman walked up to him

'Mr Winchester?' she asked.

'Yes, is my son alright?' he asked immediately.

'That's not for me to say sir, I'll take you up to him immediately if you'll follow me,' she directed and begun to walk toward the elevator.

John followed and entered the elevator as its doors open.

'My name is Doctor Maggie Oh by the way,' she spoke 'I'm a close friend of Sam McQueen's.'

'How's he doing?' John asked concerned for the young man as well.

'As well as can be expected,' she divulged 'It's strange, Sam is always so composed and calm even when we're surrounded in carnage and 75 of us are freaking out. Yesterday, when Dean came in, he completely lost it, I saw him break down right in front of me.'

'Listen, I'm going to need you to tell me if Dean's alright,' John stood in front of her tensed and bracing himself for the worst.

'He's alive,' she gave and the doors opened.

Maggie left the elevator and John followed quickly on her tail. They walked into a corridor and saw Sam seated there head in his hands. John hurried over to him. Sam looked up and stood on his approach.

John pulled Sam into a hug and they leant on each other for a while.

'How are you?' John asked.

'M'fine,' Sam answered and pulled away.

'I'll go get Doctor Benton,' Maggie spoke and entered the room in front of them.

'Have you seen him?' John asked.

'Yeah, but he was unconscious and I wasn't suppose to,' Sam explained.

'Is he alright?' John asked.

'I don't know, they've been doing tests all morning now he's awake,' Sam answered.

'So he's awake? He's alright then?' John asked relieved. Sam sighed.

'He's conditions stable but-,' Sam was interrupted.

'Mr Winchester,' Benton walked up to them 'My name is Dr Benton, I'm head of surgery here and Dean's doctor.'

'What is it? What's wrong with Dean?' John asked.

'Dean was admitted yesterday with a major head injury and a crushed leg a long with some minor injuries. Fortunately and rather miraculously Dean's leg wasn't broken but the amount of damage will still cause him great pain. However the main concern with Dean is his head injury. We did all we could but I'm afraid there was some damage to his hippocampus.'

'Hippo-what?' John asked.

'The part of the brain mostly related to memory,' Sam explained.

'Memory?' John asked alarmed 'He's lost his memories?'

'…sort of. I'm afraid Dean had retrograde amnesia…I'm very sorry,' Benton announced.

Sam fell back into his chair and felt his heart shatter.

'What the hell is retrograde amnesia, like selective memory loss or something?' John asked.

'No, you see Dean remembers everything that's happened to him since he awoke this morning. So his short term and long term memory from this point seem fine. However he remembers nothing at all of what happened before the accident.'

'So you're saying that Dean has amnesia?' John clarified.

'What he's saying is that when we go in there, when we see Dean, he won't recognise us.' Sam spoke up and hung his head 'He won't know who we are. Won't remember anything about you, his mom, college, basketball, Maple Bay, meeting or loving me, none of it. It's all gone.'


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

The next two weeks after the accident consisted of recovery for Dean and close monitoring to see if his memory would return. Dean's physical recovery showed fast progress; however he showed no progress at all in memory recollection. John and Sam were the only visitors allowed to see Dean. Corbet was worried about Dean's state of mind if he was overwhelmed with a room full of strangers. The media loved the entire thing. Vans seemed permanently parked out front, praying for an update on Dean's condition to rile up audiences. It took all of Sam's will power not to punch any of them as he pushed his way through them, ignoring their questions. It didn't surprise him when he saw his own face on the front of a magazine accompanied with the head "Winchester's Gay Lover Devoted despite Amnesia".

Sam tried to be with Dean as much as he could, hoping to jog something or just simply being there for him so Dean would have someone to depend on. Although it seemed that Dean would much rather handle things on his own. This surprised both Sam and John despite them both knowing they should have expected as much from Dean. Dean became all stiff and awkward whenever they would both enter the room. He'd refuse all help or gifts and he was very, very sarcastic and snappy. He did however treat Sam differently than John. Dean made an effort to speak to John, he asked him questions, spoke to him whenever the man was around and even let John help him...sometimes. But when Sam entered the room Dean was all tight lipped and distant. He wouldn't talk to Sam, in fact he straight out ignored him. He didn't even ask Sam any questions about his life, how they met, where they lived, nothing. Dean was very cold. He did a lot of starring though, he'd just sit there and stare at Sam like he was trying to figure out some terribly difficult equation. It hurt Sam. It hurt him a lot.

It felt as though Sam had lost Dean anyway, by the end of the second week and the repetition of Dean's cold treatment. Sam got home and let himself fall apart. He collapsed on their bed breathed Dean's scent in deep and sobbed, thinking that he had lost his warm loving Dean forever. That what was left of him wasn't his Dean; it was a stranger in Dean's gorgeous familiar body. Sam had eventually slapped himself out of it and then had wanted to slap himself again for almost giving up on Dean. The man in the hospital was still Dean. Sam would stick by him and take care of him until he got better…even if he didn't. Even if Dean continued to hate him and the life he and Sam use to share, Sam would find Dean a new life and make sure that he was happy even though it would tear Sam apart to do so. Dean deserved that. So Sam could put up with the staring and the coldness and the snarky comments. Because, Dean needed him and because Sam loved Dean.

When the doctor finally announced that Dean could have more visitors there came quite a line up outside of his hospital room. Sam approached them and thanked them all for coming, he then announced that there would only be four people in to see Dean at a time and began to separate them into groups and set visiting orders when Anson, Scott, Tommy and Jake made a break for it and snuck into Dean's room. Dean looked up from his bed as the four of them entered the room.

'Heya Dean, how you doing man?' Anson asked and plonked himself down beside Dean's bed.

'I've been better…I think,' Dean answered.

'Yeah, I've done the whole terrible car accident thing, not fun,' Tommy empathised.

'You have?' Dean asked surprised.

'Ah yeah, drink driving. I was 17, young, stupid and heart broken,' Tommy spoke and gestured to Scott 'I blame him.'

'Hey!' Scott objected.

'Ah okay…so I hate to be the rude amnesiac patient but who are you?' Dean asked.

'I'm Anson, your loyal team member and friend of twelve years,' Anson introduced 'You don't really need to know these losers.'

'That's bullshit,' Jake cut in and scratched his upper thigh 'I'm Jake and these two are Scott and Tommy.'

'Oh…so how do I know you?' Dean asked.

'You were our old Assistant Basketball coach at Maple Bay College,' Jake explained and scratched his crotch again.

'Well…I must have been a damn good coach for you to all know me now,' Dean thought aloud.

'Well there's that, and we're really good friends of Sam's,' Scott informed him 'You know cause he was captain of our team and all.'

'…Sam was in my basketball team?' Dean asked.

'Ahh yeah...' Jake answered and looked at the others confused.

'So what? Did we hook up some time after he graduated then?' Dean asked.

Now they all looked damn shocked.

'Dude didn't Sam tell you any of this?' Tommy asked.

Dean tensed and his jaw tightened.

'I don't listen to what Sam has to say,' Dean stated.

'Don't listen to him? Why would-,' Tommy was cut off.

'So how'd it happen then? He ambush me after he graduated? What?' Dean interrupted.

'Ahh…you sort of started seeing each other…while he was in school,' Scott clarified 'About three months before graduation.'

Dean's eyes widened.

'We were fucking when he was still a student, MY student?' Dean gaped 'I'm a paedophile?!'

'No, no, no. It was nothing like that,' Scott tried to calm him.

'Yeah, I mean sure you were screwing him when he was still underage…and you kind of got sued by Sam's parents for statutory rape…but it was just like a month before Sam came of age and the charges were dropped anyway,' Anson explained.

Dean's mouth hung open like a fish.

The door opened and Sarah came in all rosy cheeked and plump with a little bundle in her arms.

'Morning everyone,' she greeted.

'Hey Sarah,' they all greeted warmly.

'Hi Dean,' she smiled warmly at him and then bent down to kiss him on the cheek. Dean saw a pink, big eyed little face hidden in the blanket she was holding.

'Ah hi…,' Dean spoke no clue what else to say.

'I thought you could all use some happy news with all of this sadness so we brought you all a surprise,' she beamed.

'Is that…is that your and Andy's baby?' Tommy asked with a huge smile.

'Sort of,' she answered.

'Sort of?' Scott asked confused.

Andy entered the room with a bundle in his arms as well and the penny dropped.

'Holy crap,' Jake gaped.

'We'd like you to meet our identical twin boys,' Sarah introduced.

'Ben and Brady,' Andy revealed.

Immediately the group flocked to them and abundance of cuteness.

'Hey there little guys, I'm Anson, I'll be filling the role of awesome uncle for the rest of your lives,' Anson spoke to them 'You're gonna look so cute in matching Knicks jerseys.'

Sarah lay Ben in Scott's arms and walked over to Dean.

'I'm sorry Dean,' she spoke.

'What for? Stealing my amnesia thunder? Cause I gotta say it's a relief not be the centre of attention for once,' Dean dismissed.

'No, I'm sorry you're hurt. It's my fault you see,' she clarified 'I went into labour the day of the accident and I called you…you're the boys' godfather Dean. You were on the way to the hospital because of us. You're hurt because of us.'

'…if you're telling me that the reason I'm here, why I can't remember anything is because I was going to the hospital for the birth of my godsons…I could live with that,' Dean comforted.

Sarah beamed and Scott pouted.

'Hey! How come you didn't name me godfather?' Scott asked.

'Cause you didn't loan us money we needed to pay the birth centre and to get pregnant,' Andy stated.

'I did that?' Dean asked surprised.

'Yeah, you did and we'll forever be grateful to you,' Sarah smiled at him adoringly.

'I was still paying off law school debts and Sam was doing the same with med school so we both didn't have any cash to burn; and at the time we started the program we weren't as close to Scott and Tommy as we are now…so you're kind of the reason our boys are in this world, so thank you Dean,' Andy added.

'Ahh your welcome…sorry but I've forgotten your name?' Dean tried.

'Oh Dean I'm so sorry,' Sarah began to cry.

'Don't be, it's not so bad…except for the hospital food and the hospital smell…I don't think I like hospitals,' Dean rambled a bit.

'I clearly remember saying only four people at a time were to visit,' Sam spoke icily from the doorway, arms crossed 'I count six…plus two midgets.'

'Well it turns out you're a sucky hospital room guard Sam boy,' Anson spoke and clapped him on the back before freezing when he saw Scott applying something to his lips 'Dude are you putting on lipstick?'

'No! It's lip Baum asshole. My lips are sore,' Scott defended.

'From what? Friction?' Jake teased.

'Tommy you gotta take it more easy on Scotty, he's not just a hole to plug you know?' Anson grinned cheekily.

Scott flushed red and Tommy laughed.

'Sorry guys,' Sam spoke up 'But some of you are going to have to leave, I don't want Dean to be overwhelmed.'

'For Christ sake. Calm down. I'm not some fragile old lady,' Dean snapped.

'Awkward,' Scott sang and looked around the room.

'I'm just worried about you Dean,' Sam defended.

'Well don't, I don't want your concern or your pity,' Dean snapped again and then turned on Jake when he saw the other man once again scratching a private area 'And seriously what the hell man? that's like the tenth time you've scratched your dick!'

'Herpes?' Tommy asked.

'Nah probably just stubble burn,' Scott dismissed.

'It's neither!' Jake shouted and gestured to Anson, Scott and Tommy 'These assholes put itching powder in my briefs after basketball yesterday. Three showers later and it still itches!'

'Best twenty bucks I ever spent,' Anson sighed.

Finally after much goading and insisting and an emergency call to Maggie to scare the crap out of his friends, they eventually left and Sam could send in members of Dean's team and a few friends. Sam sent in the last group when his phone rang.

'Sam McQueen,' he answered.

'Hey big brother,'

'Hey Ben, how's it going man?' Sam asked.

'Not bad, I want to strangle my statistics professor and I'm hating the amount of study they make us do but it's going alright,' Ben added 'Look man, I'm sorry but I'm not going to be able to be there to see Dean. I want to, I wish I could, but…I'm real sorry.'

'Hey don't worry about it. Thanks for calling, I appreciate it,'

'No problem, did Missy call you back?' Ben asked.

'Yeah, she said that she was busy with her kids' school events week or something, plus if she left it'd take a couple days for her to get here so I told her not to worry about it, he wouldn't recognise her anyway so…,'

'Yeah, who the hell moves to Hicksville anyway? Usually people move away from places like that,' Ben asked rhetorically.

'I have no idea,' Sam chuckled 'hey Ben…how's mom doing?'

'Ah she's doing okay. Yeah…she has her good days,' Ben let him know.

'That's good. I better let you get back to work. Gotta let my little brother, future psycho-ologist get back to work,' Sam teased.

'Yeah, yeah, no rest for the wicked. See you later man, and Sam? I hope Dean gets better,'

'Thanks…me too.'

John arrived two hours after the visitors had departed to find a worn out Sam McQueen in the chair outside Dean's room. It was a look Sam was becoming more than a little accustomed to.

'How'd it go?' John asked.

'Dean and I have some strange, overly exuberant and rather crude friends,' Sam spoke as though he were only just realising this.

John laughed and pushed open Dean's door with Sam following behind him.

'God please tell me there are no more of them today?' Dean asked of them.

'Oh come on now Dean these are your friends,' John reminded him.

'No they're total and complete strangers. Each one of them knowing more about me than I do. If I have to look up at one more sad compassionate face I'm going to have to punch something,' Dean expressed.

'Then you can relax, that was everyone for today,' John clarified.

'Tristan and Greg have yet to see you though, they were flying in tomorrow if you're up for it? I can tell them to lay off the pity looks and treat you like shit?' Sam offered 'Or if you don't want them coming in I can tell them to back off?'

'Dude, I don't care,' Dean sighed 'Who are these people?'

'Really good friends of ours from my college days,' Sam enlightened.

'Don't I have friends of my own? Do we have to share every acquaintance? Can I not have a friend or something without you being their bestest buddy also?'

'Ah I dunno…I never really thought about it like that,' Sam confessed and Dean sighed.

'Look I'm really tired, you mind leaving me to get some sleep?' Dean asked.

'Sure Dean,' John squeezed his son's shoulder and walked over to the door.

'See you later then,' Sam smiled softly at Dean and bent down to kiss his forehead. Dean turned away from Sam before he could land the kiss. Sam froze for a moment before standing back up right and calmly left the room. John was the only one who noticed the shake in Sam's hand as he opened the door.

John entered Dean's room a few days later with a smile on his face.

'So Sam and I spoke to your doctors about your request and we came to an agreement,' John told him and sat next to the empty seat by Dean's bed.

'And?' Dean asked.

'You can go home,' John clarified.

'Thank god,' Dean sighed.

'The doctor said that he'll give you a few months to regain your memory but if after those months you still have nothing you'll have to come back in they'll try to repair the damage themselves,' John recounted.

'Okay then, so when do I leave?' Dean asked.

'You can leave this afternoon once you fill in your discharge papers. Then we'll bring your car around front and Sam can take you home,' John explained.

'Hang on a second, I have to go with Sam? I can't go with you?' Dean asked.

'You live with Sam Dean, I'll only be a state away if you need me but there's nothing else I can do now.' John pointed out.

'Yeah but…listen John. I don't feel comfortable…invading Sam's space, can't I just stay with you until my memory returns?' Dean asked. John frowned.

'Dean, Sam's much better equipped to take care of you then I can. Hell he's an attending surgeon, and quite frankly he's also the only reason they're discharging you. If you don't leave with Sam then you don't leave at all,' John told him.

Dean cursed and rubbed a hand through his hair.

'Dean…I think we need to talk,' John stated and pulled up his chair close to Dean's bed.

'Talk?…can we not?' Dean asked.

'No, I get that you're going through a lot son, I do, and I'm trying, everyone else, we're trying to do everything we can to help you. Cause I love you. But I gotta tell ya, the way you treat Sam makes me want to beat your amnesiac ass,' John confessed.

'This suppose to make me feel assured of your paternal feelings?' Dean asked.

'No, it's suppose to make you shut the hell up,' John replied 'Is it the gay thing? You don't believe that you could have a gay lover?'

'No, it's definitely not that. I kind of figured out the gay thing when I found the guy nurses a hell of a lot hotter than the female ones,' Dean shared.

'Then what is it you have against the kid? He's in here every day for hours on end just to be ignored or snapped at by you!' John stated 'I want to know why you'd push someone who loves you like that away?'

'How the hell do you know?! How can you possibly know what he feels? He could be after money or something for all we know,' Dean argued.

'Dean, Sam loves you, he has for a long time. Even when you were both broke and living in some crap ass apartment, too happy to be living together to care about what the place was like,' John explained to Dean 'Besides Sam's a doctor, he's earning all the money he needs and then some.'

'Yeah but…something's off about him,' Dean frowned frustrated and concerned.

'Wait…that's why you've been treating him this way? Cause you think there's something off about him?' John asked.

'Well…yeah,' Dean shrugged.

'Like what?' John asked again.

'I don't know!' Dean shouted 'It's just…we've supposedly been together for twelve years, but he doesn't even look familiar to me.'

'Dean, you've got amnesia,' John stated the obvious.

'I know!' Dean shouted and buried his head in his hands, trying to reclaim control 'Tell me about him? About how we lived together?'

'I think you should ask Sam those questions,' John shook his head.

'Well I'm not and I won't so please, tell me,' Dean enforced.

'What do you want to know?' John asked.

'…were we happy?' Dean asked.

'Well yeah, of course,' John answered easily. Dean frowned, suspicious.

'Are you sure?' Dean asked again.

'Yeah,' John nodded 'You're both extremely successful, well off, good health…previously, families close, you've been together for twelve years, there was no adultery or bad patches as far as I know.'

'Did we ever break up?' Dean asked 'Maybe recently or something?'

'No, definitely not recently but you did break up once,' John explained 'when Sam was in med school. You both had a pretty big blow out and split up for about two months before you got back together.'

'What happened?' Dean asked.

'Don't know, but you've been together ever since then,' John added.

'If we're so perfect and happy then how come we're not married?' Dean questioned.

That particular question made John's eyes bug out of his head.

'Married?' John repeated.

'Yeah, some states allow it right? Why'd Sam and I never do it?' Dean asked.

'Ah because you hate all of that eternal love, mushy, girly crap. You'd rather shoot yourself in the knee cap than get dressed in a white tuxedo and walk down the aisle,' John clarified.

'So I didn't want to marry Sam?' Dean asked.

'You told me that you didn't need rings or a party or a fucking priest to prove that you loved Sam, in fact you didn't need to prove shit. You said that Sam knew you loved him and you knew how Sam felt about you, that's all you needed and screw any and every body else,' John spoke Dean's words back to him.

'…and you're sure I loved him?' Dean asked.

'You do love him, you've just forgotten it. Trust me, I'm positive. You don't go through all the shit you went through for Sam if you don't love them. The same goes for screwing only one person in 12 years,' John snorted.

'All I went through?' Dean asked.

'Yeah, what with Sam being your student and all and then the charges pressed and dropped by his parents,' John went on.

'Oh,' Dean frowned in thought once more.

'You really don't trust him do you?' John shook his head in wonder.

'And I don't know why or what it is, but a part of me is just screaming at me not to trust him that there's something he's not telling me,' Dean sighed.

'Yeah well, the kid _does_ love you. You should seriously think about giving him a chance,' John advised.

Dean sighed, frustrated and glared at the ceiling. How could he trust Sam when everything in him seemed to warn or even beg him to keep as far away from Sam as he could?


	4. Chapter 4

On the day Dean left the hospital it seemed almost the entire staff and patients who were basketball fans, came out to say good-bye

On the day Dean left the hospital it seemed almost the entire staff and patients who were basketball fans, came out to say good-bye. This meant at least 50-100 people saw him being pushed along in a wheelchair like some invalid, until he reached the blessed freedom of the hospital's automatic front doors. Then Sam just had to go and worsen the humiliating experience by trying to help him out of the chair. Dean pushed him away and went to take his bag from the nurse, only Sam beat him to it and hurried over to the cab, placing the duffel in the trunk. Dean huffed and grabbed the cane the nurse held out to him before he hobbled over to the cab. Sam hurried over to his side and opened the door for him. Dean seethed and reluctantly got into the cab as Sam shut the door behind him. The hospital staff waved them off as Sam got in and the taxi pulled away. Sam gave the driver the address and sat back in the seat. Dean was more than a little tense. He was in a car, not completely unlike the kind that crashes, causes bodily harm and loss of all memories. Yeah leaving the hospital was a fucking great idea.

'So…glad to be out of the hospital?' Sam asked.

Yeah sure, the hospital may have been smelly, cold and intimidating (as well as more than a little humiliating) but it was safe. Now he's in a something tonne moving vehicle filled with highly flammable gas going at high speeds surrounded by other moving gasoline filled death traps. Dean is SO glad he left the hospital. Dean just looked out of the window and went with his usual way of dealing with Sam or not dealing as the case may be.

'So you don't need to worry about anything, the team got someone to fill in for you while you're recovering. I've been given as much time as I need off work to help you at home. Which I've made sure is fully supplied with everything you might need. Food, painkillers and some rehab equipment.' Sam explained.

Dean unresponsively stared out of the window, warily eyeing the other cars. Dean actually flinched when a truck drove by. Sam touched Dean's arm.

'You okay?' he asked concerned.

Dean shoved Sam away and continued his careful watch.

'Is there anything else you need or you'd like me to get for you?' Sam asked.

Once again there came no response.

'Okay, if you think of something let me know,' Sam offered and then looked out of his own window.

The cab pulled out front of the complex and Sam got out and got Dean's bag. Dean got out of the cab as fast as he could with his leg and onto the sidewalk. Dean's first thought was wow. This place was huge…and fancy. It was so not what Dean had pictured for himself. Sam lead the way inside talking about some crap as he got them in the elevator and pushed the button two floors down from the penthouse. Dean shook his head and dug his hands in his pockets, willing away the pain surging up his foot; ignoring whatever Sam was yabbering on about now. The elevator stopped and they both got out. Sam unlocked their door and Dean walked inside.

Fancy shtix, Dean thought as he looked around.

'Yeah so this is it. Not the penthouse but it's got walls and roof, and spare rooms to put all of our shit,' Sam stated.

It's freaking HUGE, Dean thought to himself.

'So ah, this is the living room,' Sam pointed out 'Where we've spent many a night watching whatever game was on and some really bad horror movies.'

Sam then gave him the tour, showing him every room in the damn apartment.

'So we've got living room, kitchen, the awesome bathroom and doubly awesome huge tub-,' Sam spoke and Dean had to silently agree there 'the exercise room, the office room, the recreation room equipped with bar, air hockey and pool tables, dinning room, laundry and finally the ah bedroom,'

They awkwardly stood in front of the doorway to the bedroom that had an absolutely massive bed. Dean's gayness level arose by 30 points when he silently added to himself, huh nice curtains.

'So ahh, we only have one bed, but if it makes you more comfortable I can sleep on the couch?' Sam offered.

'Sounds good,' Dean actually replied before he took his bag from Sam and threw it into the room before walking inside and slamming the door in Sam's face.

Dean had been locked up in the bedroom for three hours now and Sam was getting restless. He wanted to just lock himself in a room alone with Dean and make him listen to what he had to say. But that would only make Dean retreat further away from him. Sam was so god damn frustrated he nearly knocked on Dean's door at least 15-20 times but stopped himself and walked away. In his head Sam went through all kinds of ways to get Dean to open up. He could go to Dean with a huge plate of goodies and get him to open up with food…which would probably end with Dean opening the door long enough to take the food and then slam the door in Sam's face yet again. Sam could go buy Dean some really awesome stuff…like a new Xbox or whatever for their room but Dean would just find it completely suspicious if Sam tried to buy his trust. It was just so darn hard to have Dean be like this. For Sam not to do something to make it better. He needed to make it better. He needed to make Dean see that it was okay. That he could trust Sam again. That Sam loved him so fucking much. Sam realised he was standing in front of their bedroom door again. God it was so fucking tempting. Sam rose his hand and was about to knock when the phone rang down the hall, in the kitchen. Sam froze and broke out of his compulsion. He hurried down the hall and grabbed the phone on the sixth ring.

'Hello?' Sam asked.

'Sam McQueen you knock on that door and disturb that boy so help me I will run thousands of miles just to beat your ass,' a familiar voice threatened him.

'Missouri?' Sam asked.

'Of course it's me. I know you ain't stupid boy so don't act it,' she scolded.

'Sorry,' Sam apologised 'How's your friend doing?'

'Not so good. She's saying her good-byes, though she ain't got much family left to say good-bye to. I'm trying to comfort her as much as I can but death is a large fear we all carry and we all must face,' she sighed 'At my age I'll be facing it sooner rather than later.'

'Don't say that,' Sam begged 'Please, I've had enough of death or near deaths to last me a while.'

'That you have dear, and I'm sorry. I'd be with you boys now if I could but…she needs me. And even if I were there with you I'm not sure I'd do either of you any good,' she thought aloud 'Speaking of though I could just…just box your ears over the way you handled…I understand what you were going through Sam I do, but distancing yourself from Dean to spare pain was damn stupid…and all for naught as the case may be.'

'I know, I know, you have no idea how much I regret that. Just…it was just...I was so scared,' Sam confessed.

'I know dear. Now about this business with Dean-,' Missouri began.

'I know, leave him be, right?' Sam sighed.

'Exactly. Trust isn't something that can be established over a good chat Sam. Give him space, give him time. You smothering him won't help any,' she advised.

'Yeah, yeah I know,' Sam nodded.

'It's kind of like…playing hard to get. You don't want to fall all over yourself trying to get his attention. Be there for him if he needs it and offer help…once. But never force anything on him. I know right now you feel like you just want to go in there and make everything better, you're a doctor Sam it's your nature, but the only chance you have of getting that boy back is to leave him be. He'll come around,' Missouri encouraged.

'You're sure?' Sam asked.

'One way or another Dean will come around. Just-,'

'I know, leave him be,' Sam sighed.

'And have patience,' Missouri added 'I'm afraid I have to go now. My love to both of you. Take care of him Sam.'

'I will, bye.'

As soon as Dean shut the door in Sam's face he let himself collapse on the bed. That car trip had rattled him and he just needed to calm down for a minute or 30. Dean looked up at the ceiling and admired the colour and carvings. He sighed and moved his hands up under his head. Fuck they had a comfy bed, and huge too, probably great for sex. Which he wasn't thinking about because according to everyone the only person he was having sex with was Sam. Not that Sam was ugly, far, far…far from it. It was just that Dean really didn't trust the gigantic freak of a gorgeous doctor. Dean sighed frustrated. Maybe the reason why he wasn't feeling a connection with Sam was because there wasn't one. Maybe it was just really, really fucking awesome sex on their huge fucking bed. Dean could believe that, Sam seemed like he'd be a sexual guy, big careful hands, huge fucking grin which meant a huge fucking mouth for shoving things in. Plus he had those bedroom eyes of his. And Dean was stopping his thoughts right the fuck now because he was NOT going to think about Sam.

Dean looked to his left and the bedside table caught his eye. His mouth dropped a little. There was a framed photo of Sam and Dean on the bedside table. They were on a beach, shirtless and golden in the sun. Sam was lying on his back in the sand with Dean on top of him his legs and arms on either side of Sam's body trapping him where he was. Sam however didn't seem the least bit upset by this, he had that huge fucking grin on his face looking up at photo!Dean and his hands were grasping at Dean's hips. They looked like they were completely unaware of the photo being taken. Dean was smirking down at Sam, while the younger looked up at him adoringly. He was younger there, they both were. Dean hadn't seen Sam at ease like that before. So completely relaxed and grinning stupidly. It was a nice photo, Dean admitted. He wanted to know where it was taken, why they were at the beach, how old they were. It frustrated the hell out of him that he already knew but his stupid brain was damaged in the parts that the consciousness would travel to access the memories. Stupid neural pathways.

Dean picked up the photo and lay back on the bed. Okay so maybe at some point Dean may have been with Sam and Sam had cared about him but why the hell would he not feel anything now? No warm fuzzies, no déjà vu, nothing. The whole thing just smelt bad. Dean put the photo back and rolled onto his other side, away from the incriminating photo. Unfortunately another photo taunted him on the opposite side of the bed, on the bedside table. Only this one had more than just the two of them. Sam was wearing one of those graduation robes with Dean standing next to him and John on Dean's right. An older man and woman stood on Sam's other side with a dark skinned chubby woman beside them. A young girl and boy sat on the ground in front of the group. The girl had a stiff smile on her face and the boy was pulling a face at the camera. John was smiling politely for the photo. The other couple and the tubby woman had huge freaking smiles on their faces and once again Sam was looking at Dean with that bloody smitten puppy dog look and Dean was smiling back. Dean didn't like the smile photo!Dean was giving Sam it was way too personal and way to intimate. Frustrated again Dean got up out of bed and began to unpack his stuff from the duffel.

He had gotten his shirts out when he heard a creak by the door. He looked up and saw the tell tale sign of a shadow under the door.

"Just go away Dude," Dean mentally begged Sam "Just leave me alone."

A minute later the shadow moved and disappeared. Dean sighed and returned to unpacking. He opened the closet and gave a whistle. He and Sam had some nice threads. He went through the closest and came to the conclusion that either he or Sam had a great love of rock bands, particularly Metallica, ACDC and Motorhead. Whoever they were. Dean finished and walked back into the bedroom. The shadow was back by the door. O-okay that's not creepy stalker like at all. The shadow disappeared and Dean shook his head. He pulled out his rehab activities sheet and read it through again. The top of the sheet read. NOT TO BE UNDERTAKEN WITHOUT SUPERVISION. Dean snorted at that and then tossed the paper on the bed. He dropped the floor and began his push ups. He increased the number of reps of the activities required by half. He wanted to be able to get out of here as soon as possible. He did NOT like having to depend on someone else to live his life. Speaking of his life, he would actually like to live it. Get his own place, own stuff, own friends. Dean moved onto sit ups when the shadow reappeared and actually mumbled to himself. A smile spread across Dean's face. He could just imagine Sam standing behind the door, taking his hand off and back on the door knob. He was such a geek, so like a giant puppy. Dean heard the phone ring and the shadow disappeared. Dean limped over to the door and opened it slightly to peek down the hall. Sam was talking to someone he knew very well. Dean couldn't hear what Sam was saying but he was pacing a lot and speaking in that concerned frantic tone he gets. Dean shut the door and fell back into the rehab routine.

It was tough with the extra work but hell no pain no gain was a saying for a reason right? That's what one of his team mates told him when he visited anyway…jackass, who the hell says that to a car accident patient. Dean was doing his last few leg exercises when his bad leg cramped up. A huge spike of pain ceased his leg. Dean cursed and clutched at it. He swallowed a cry and bared down waiting for the pain to subside. It past in five minutes and reduced to a constant ache. Dean was panting and sweating.

'God damn it!' Dean cursed.

He hated this, he hated being weak. His dream of his own life just became so much more further way. Dean managed to stand and fall back on the bed fuming. His eyes fell on the picture of him and Sam at the beach. He grabbed in and threw it at the wall. The glass smashed. Sam knocked on the door and asked if he was okay. Dean kindly told him to piss off.

Dean awoke to the pressing need of his bladder. He looked over at the clock beside the bed. 3.10 am. Dean threw the covers aside and grabbed his cane. He opened the door and limped across the hall to the bathroom. He put his cane aside and went about his business. He still had the faint taste of dinner in his mouth. He had to admit that Sam despite whatever conniving plans he may have, could fucking cook. Dinner was the one time he had left his room all day. The sweet smell of steak was too good to pass up. Unfortunately Sam wouldn't let him have any beer though, because of the drugs he was on. And then the smartass went and hid it after Dean nearly scored one when the caretaker's back was turned. Dean decided that he'd go ahead and let Sam cook for him. After all Dean had forgotten how. Hell Dean could have been the one that taught Sam to cook. Dean pulled his draw string pj's up and washed his hands before he grabbed his cane and walked back into the hallway. He got distracted though when he noticed the light on in the living room. He walked down the hallway and peeked around the corner. Sam was sitting down with his back to him among piles of what looked like books. Dean frowned what could be so important at 3.10 in the fucking morning? Dean figured Sam must be a hell of a workaholic and shrugged it off as he turned and walked back down the hallway to bed.

Dean awoke early the next day to begin his rehab exercises. Everything was going fine until he got to his leg exercises again. Once again his leg cramped up only this time it was worse. Dean bit his knee to keep from screaming. It hurt so much he felt sick. The pain was constant for twenty minutes this time. Dean decided to stop there today and try again tomorrow when Sam left to check up on Sarah and the babies. About an hour later the most beautiful smell in the world stirred Dean from his groggy slumber. When he entered the kitchen he found Sam putting the final touches to the breakfast of champions. Although the breakfast wasn't the first thing on his mind when he entered the kitchen. It was Sam, in an apron, with frills. Dean chuckled and Sam turned to him.

'Hey, sleep okay?' Sam asked.

'Fine, how was the sofa?' Dean asked gloating a little.

'Great,' Sam smiled that damn smile and Dean cursed inwardly he hated that damn smile.

'Bacon?' Sam offered.

'Wouldn't want it to go to waste,' Dean shrugged and sat at the table.

Sam brought him his breakfast and left the dinning room.

'You're not having any?' Dean asked confused.

'Why? Want some company?' Sam asked.

'No,' Dean answered quickly.

'Okay,' Sam smiled disbelieving and went back into the kitchen 'We should get into your rehab exercises after this.'

'No need I've already done them,' Dean stated.

'What?' Sam gaped and came back around the corner.

'I did them when I woke up,' Dean shrugged.

'Dean, you're only allowed to do the exercises under qualified supervision,' Sam reminded him.

'Dude it was no big deal, it went fine, no dramas,' Dean lied.

'That's not the point! Look, you can lock yourself in our room, do whatever the hell you want and pretend I don't exist if that's what you want. But when it comes to your health I'm adamant! You won't do those exercises without me again!' Sam yelled.

'I don't fucking need a babysitter,' Dean argued.

'Tough shit!' Sam spat and walked off.

He came back and dumped some books on the table next to him.

'Here, I found these last night. Look at them or don't look at them, whatever!' Sam growled and stormed off again.

Dean sneered and dug into his bacon. He recognised the books as the ones Sam was working on last night…or this morning. Dean grabbed one and opened it. There were photos inside, Dean checked all of them. They were all packed with photos, dates and places written underneath them. All arranged in chronological order. Sam lied he hadn't just found these. He had been up all night making these for him. Dean felt the tiniest little bit like a jerk, but not enough to let up on his exercises. One lecture isn't going to make Dean roll over and play nice.

Sam watched carefully as two baby boys stared up at him with wide eyes and followed the movements on his finger. He dropped his hand and they both blinked.

'They seem fine,' Sam told Sarah and Andy who were at the dinner table nursing coffees.

'That's what the paediatrician said,' Andy remarked and Sarah hit his arm.

'I think it's lovely that Sam's concerned for us,' She stated.

'Well yeah, but he's got his own baby to take care of,' Andy replied and Sarah hit him again 'Ow!'

'Dean is not a baby! He's very sick,' she scorned.

'Sarah, what kind of adult do you know that locks himself up in his room and won't come out?' Andy pointed out.

'One that's terrified in a world he doesn't recognise you insensitive ass,' she argued.

'Wench,' he came back and dodged her next attack 'Ha!'

'Now who's the child,' she rolled her eyes at her husband.

'So how is the baby going mate?' Andy asked.

'The recuperation hard, sometimes I want to wrap my arms around and other times I want to wrap my hands around his neck,' Sam confessed.

'That's not recuperation dude that's marriage,' Andy argued and didn't manage to dodge the punch his wife landed on his arm.

'Ow! Damn woman,' Andy growled 'You're lucky you're the mother of my children.'

'How are you two handling parenthood?' Sam intercepted.

'The hours of sleep I'm getting, or lack there of, are going to put me into a coma,' Andy stated.

'It's hard,' Sarah agreed.

'Is it clear which one's the evil one yet?' Sam asked jokingly.

'Please, that's an urban myth,' Sarah scoffed.

'Sarah, Sarah, Sarah has being around me and Anson taught you nothing?' Andy asked, stood and picked up Brady. Sam laughed and picked up Ben.

'Hey at least Anson didn't knock up their girlfriend's best friend in high school,' Sam added and then Ben spit up on Sam's face. Andy laughed so hard he nearly dropped Brady, whilst Sarah choked on her coffee. Sam glared at the giggling Ben.

'I'm going to call you Anson the second, little baby demon,' Sam growled.

Sam got home in one of Andy's shirts all freshly showered and smelling like baby. He went into the kitchen to grab a drink when he heard a scream of pure agony from the bedroom. Sam dropped the soft drink and ran to the bedroom. He pushed open the door and saw Dean sweating, shaking and flushed. His face scrunched up in pain. His leg was seising and he'd thrown up all over the carpet.

'Shit,' Sam cursed and ran over to him.

Dean had never felt pain like this. He couldn't escape it. He was crying and babbling. Make it stop, make it stop. Oh god Dean would do anything to make the pain go away. Make the pain go away. Make the pain go away! He felt bile rise in his throat and he felt the disgusting vomit pour out of his mouth. God it hurt. He couldn't breath he was throwing up too much. It stopped and Dean took a deep breath, his throat was sore, he was so hot and his leg hurt so much! He knew someone was there with him because they were doing something to his leg, he could feel it. Oh fuck! It hurt. They were whispering to him, telling him…something. FUCK! Dean sobbed. He felt like he was throwing up again but nothing was coming out of his mouth, he tried to bring something up but it wouldn't come. Suddenly the sharp pain was gone and Dean cried in relief. It still ached but the searing burn was gone. He felt arms wrap around him and a voice in his ear. He knew that voice, knows that voice. Sam. Sam's here. It's going to be okay now. Sam's here. Overbearing, protective, babysitter. Sam. He'll take care of him. Dean was still shivering. So hot. He felt sick again. Going to be sick.

The arms tightened around him and then he wasn't touching the group anymore. Sam was carrying him…somewhere. God it was so fuzzy. Why couldn't he see clearly, why was he dizzy? Why did it hurt? He felt cool tiles beneath him. They were in the bathroom. Dean felt the familiar feeling in the back of his throat then somehow he was looking into the toilet bowl, fowl smelling stuff in the bottom. He felt a hand, a warm hand run up and down his back. It was tender. It was nice. A soft voice was talking in his ear.

'It's okay…sick from exhaustion….be okay…pushed too hard…will go away…alright love…'s okay baby,' words, nice words in his ear and oh god!

Dean grasped the toilet and sobbed again as the gross stuff rose out of his throat. Dean didn't know how long it was, but he knew they'd been here a long time. And Sam was here too, Sam never felt him, not once. Always there, hugging him, running hands up and down his back. Sam moved him and then he was lying down on something soft. The bed. Sam went to leave. No! No Sam don't go. Sam's here. Sam's behind him. Arms holding him close from behind. Dean likes it. Likes this, it's warm, safe…familiar.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

The first thing that Dean realised when he very groggily opened his eyes was that he really needed to go to the bathroom. The second was that he had the most horrid, god awful taste in his mouth. The third is that there was a very warm, very large body wrapped around him. Dean tensed up quicker than a virgin on prom night. Dean was still lying on his side with Sam spooned up behind him, arm across his stomach and face buried in Dean's neck. Strangely enough it felt good. Really good. This freaked the hell out of Dean…for about two minutes until he remembered the way Sam had taken care of him last night. Who'd have thought that beating under that chiselled chest was the heart of a chivalrous Sasquatch.

Dean's bladder was begging him to get out of the warm comfy bed and go to the bathroom. But the lazy comfy Dean was balking at the thought. Then Sam began to move in his sleep. He pressed his hips against Dean's ass and breathed into Dean's neck. And just like that 'little' Dean was against leaving the bed as well. Not that you could blame him cause it was the only physical contact he'd had in a month. Then Sam's hand pressed against his belly which became painful for two reasons. One, the overwhelming swelling in his cock and two the overwhelming swelling in his bladder. Dean carefully extracted himself from under Sam and carefully limped barefoot across the room to the door. He opened the door and froze when it creaked a little, with no response from the sleeping Sasquatch, Dean shut the door and ran to the bathroom. He managed to relax enough to relieve himself.

As if it suddenly dawned on him Dean realised that he had thrown up A LOT last night, and more than once he missed the toilet bowl. There should be disgusting chunky gag smelling puke everywhere. Come to think of it there wasn't any vomit in the bedroom either. Hell the bathroom smelt freaking good, all rosy and clean like. Dean wondered for a moment or two if last night even happened. Until rational thought hit and he realised Sam must have gotten up and cleaned it all while Dean was asleep. The same warmth he felt last night when Sam touched him returned and settled in his belly. So maybe Sam wasn't exactly as scheming and sinister as he first thought.

Dean finished up, flushed and washed his hands. Then stripped off and jumped in the shower. Whilst the room was clean of all traces of vomit smell, Dean definitely wasn't and prayed Sam didn't smell it on him and feel disgusted…although after what Sam saw last night that was actually pretty stupid of him to think. Whilst in the shower Dean's dick reminded him that whilst his bladder's needs were met 'little Dean's' still needed taking care of, momentary flaccidness be damned. Dean placed his hand on the shaft and a heat flushed his face and his cock hardened. Dean began to stroke and he moaned under the hot spray of water. At first his mind was empty focusing only on the sensations making him hotter and harder. Than Sam popped into his head. Sam's god damn eyes when he was angry, glaring at him under floppy hair, tongue running over lips. Dean keened and his toes curled as he continued. He imagined Sam's huge hands curled around his cock jerking him off. A huge chest pressed against Dean, touching his tongue to Dean's. Dean's head fell back against the tiled wall as he came, the evidence of the Sam induced fantasy washing away.

Dean panted and turned down the hot water. God he felt dizzy from the heat, from both the shower and his…activities. He waited for a moment before turning off the shower completely and stepping out. He dried himself off and worried for a second if he should be worried at how fast he came. Then again it was the only sexual experience he'd had in two weeks, not to mention the only sexual experience he could remember…ever. It was only whilst he was drying off that Dean realised he didn't bring any clothes with him. Dean poked his head out into the hallway, and then ran across to the bedroom when the coast was clear. The bed was empty and Dean thanked who or whatever supreme being was responsible for avoiding any further awkwardness.

He got dressed and was just shoving a shirt over his head when the smell of fucking awesome coffee wafted into the room. Dean walked out into the hall and down to the kitchen. Sam looked up as Dean ran his hand through his wet hair.

'Ah hey,' Dean greeted awkwardly.

'Hi,' Sam placed a coffee close to where Dean was 'how are you feeling?'

'Good,' Dean replied, picked up the coffee and sat down on the stool.

'Good,' Sam nodded.

Right this wasn't awkward at all, Dean thought and watched as Sam cut up fruit and placed it on the side of a plate. Dean looked behind Sam and noticed the waffle iron was on.

'You know I could get use to this,' Dean grinned and stole a strawberry from Sam's plate 'the all day fresh food room service.'

'Don't fool yourself, I'm only babying you cause you're an invalid,' Sam replied but his tone was teasing and Dean knew he was lying.

'So I suppose you want an "I told you so"' Dean asked and Sam frowned 'About last night?'

'Nah,' Sam smiled 'that was always more your thing anyway.'

'Really?' Dean asked with a smirk 'I'm an I told you so guy?'

'That shouldn't surprise you,' Sam stated 'Or anyone else.'

'So did I have many of these I told you so moments?' Dean asked 'Cause you know that would mean that I was right a lot, which would also mean you were wrong.'

'God yes, but only because most of the time you never actually did tell me so, you were just taking the credit. In fact I'd say about 80 of the time you were either encouraging me or forcing me to do the wrong things that warranted the I told you so's.'

Dean laughed, 'Now _that_ sounds like me,'

Sam stopped what he was doing and looked at him.

'Dude, what?' Dean asked.

'Nothing,' Sam shook his head and passed Dean over his breakfast.

'Thanks,' Dean acknowledged and looked up at Sam again. Dean bit his lip in thought and sighed.

'Okay,' Dean spoke up 'So about this rehab thing…'

'You asking for my help Dean?' Sam teased.

'Well I don't wanna relive last night again if I can avoid it, wasn't exactly pleasant.'

'We have an exercise room, we can work out together there,' Sam suggested.

'Do we do that a lot?' Dean asked, Sam got a playful smile on his face.

'Yeah…although, if we did it together…one "workout" usually lead to another, so we had to exercise separately as well,' Sam explained.

Dean flushed and Sam hid his smirk behind his coffee cup. Dean coughed and grabbed the cook book lying on the bench, before flipping through it.

'What are you doing?' Sam asked.

'Seeing what I can have you make for me tomorrow wench,' Dean mocked 'hey this pie looks fucking awesome…do I like pie?'

'…No.'

'Come on princess, no need to primp,' Dean shouted through the bedroom door.

'Oh shut up Dean, I can't workout in jeans and biker boots now can I?' Sam shouted back.

'You've been in there for freaking ages dude! You said we were going to start exercising twenty minutes ago!' Dean whined.

'Well it's not my fault someone rearranged my entire closet, I can't find any damn thing,' Sam squabbled.

'For christ's sake just shove on a pair of shorts already, I'm gonna start without you if you take much longer,' Dean warned.

'Yeah cause that worked out _so _well last time,' Sam countered.

'Bitch,' Dean mumbled 'God how much of a fairy are you that it takes you twenty minutes to pick an outfit to wear to workout in your own home,'

The door opened and any smart ass comments Dean had left disappeared completely. Sam, in a wife beater and really tight shorts…really really tight shorts.

'About as much of a fairy as you I suppose,' Sam countered.

'Dude…what, are you trying out for the JLA?' Dean gaped 'How tight are those shorts?!'

'They were all I could find,' Sam blushed 'And you're the one that told me to just shove on a pair of shorts.'

'Why do you even have those in the first place?' Dean gaped.

'You gave them to me,' Sam told him and walked past Dean into the hallway 'I was never supposed to wear them outside of the bedroom of course.'

Dean blushed and thanked god that he had cleaned the pipes earlier this morning.

Dean stood on his bad leg and bent down and up, down and up. Dean and Sam had been exercising for about an hour now, well Dean had been exercising Sam just sat back on his ass and watched. It fucking hurt, squats were essential in getting the strength back in his leg but they were also really fucking hard, Dean was sweating and cursing, getting more fucking frustrated by the minute, and it did not fucking help that he was doing all this god damn work while Sam just sat back and watched him suffer.

'You're doing it again,' Sam spoke up.

'Doing what?!' Dean snapped.

'Pushing yourself too hard,' Sam stated 'You're too angry, you're movements are harsh and sudden, you're making it a lot more harder for yourself. You need to calm down.'

'Calm down? I think I have the right to be fucking angry Sam! In case you've forgotten an ambulance fucked up my leg and my fucking head,' Dean snapped.

Sam seemed to sink into himself at those words.

'How could I forget,' Sam spoke more to himself than to Dean. It was so intimately spoken that Dean felt himself blush a little and look away.

Sam sighed and stood up, he came over to stand behind Dean. Sam placed a hand on Dean's hip and the other on Dean's chest.

'Sam? What are you doing?' Dean asked anxiously.

'Helping you remember to do a damn squat,' Sam pointed out 'Now deep breaths Dean, keep calm and move slowly.'

Dean took a deep breath and began to move again, the heavy weight of Sam's hand on his hip constantly on his mind.

'That's good, now you need to relax,' Sam directed and tightened his grip on Dean's hip.

Dean felt hot, really hot. Sam was so close, practically whispering in his ear as he touched him, and the way Sam touched him. Dean imagined that they'd done this before Sam gripping Dean's hip with one hand, touching Dean's chest with his other whilst Dean thrust himself up and down on Sam's cock. Both moving just as they are now, completely naked, pressed up against each other, Sam deep inside him. Both panting and sweating desperate for more contact so close to release. Dean bit his lip and resisted a groan. Or maybe it was the other way around, maybe Sam was the one beneath him, perhaps Dean would pin Sam's hands down on the bed with one hand as he thrust inside Sam's body, Sam's legs wrapped tight around his back. Sam's sweet innocent voice pleading for everything and anything Dean would give him. For Dean to touch him, taste him, thrust up inside him. Dean was fully hard now, thinking about having Sam underneath him turned him on so fast and god so much.

'That's really good Dean, that's exactly how you're suppose to do it, how does it feel?' Sam asked.

'Ah s' good, hurts but s' good,' Dean replied.

'Okay then, just ten more and then you can move onto lunges okay?' Sam asked.

'Yeah, okay,' Dean replied and tried to think of terrible horrible and ugly things for the next ten squats so he wouldn't be deathly embarrassed when Sam pulled away and caught Dean out with a massive boner. It took fantasising about his Bertie, the overweight, bitchy mole faced nurse that gave Dean sponge baths at the hospital to get himself back under control.

'How are you feeling?' Sam asked as he pulled away concerned. Dean's heart jumped up into his throat at that one look.

'I'm good, thanks Sam,' Dean smiled, actually very grateful 'Help me with the lunges?'

'Sure.'

Sam had to head that afternoon, so he left Dean in front of the TV grumbling about the lack of a decent plot in soaps. He came back to Dean dressed in an apron with a knife in hand.

'Woah, okay take all my money just don't hurt me lady,' Sam held up his hands.

'Very funny, really I nearly busted a gut,' Dean's words dripped with sarcasm and turned back into the kitchen.

'I smell food,' Sam stated confused.

'Yeah well, I baked,' Dean stated.

'You baked?' Sam asked eyebrows shooting up into his hairline.

'Yeah, so?' Dean asked 'I wanted to try the pie. And you lied to me by the way. Pie is fucking awesome!'

Sam looked around the bench at the many, many dirty dishes.

'How many did you make?' Sam asked shocked.

'As many as the book had, I wanted to see which flavour I liked best since I don't remember.' Dean clarified.

'Oh okay,' Sam nodded.

'I saved a piece of each for you,' Dean added 'I didn't know which was your favourite either so….yeah.'

A grin nearly erupted on his face Sam was so happy.

'This mean you want to know more about me Dean?' Sam asked with a slight smirk.

'What? Ah no, it's just…you're just…look do you want the pie or not?' Dean asked 'cause I can just throw it out.'

'Nah, I like the pie,' Sam smiled softly 'By the way it's apple, my favourite I mean. It's apple.'

'Oh, okay. That's great I made heaps of that one, it's in the fridge,' Dean clarified.

'Thanks,' Sam smiled and went to the fridge for the pie.

'Hey, Sam? My favourite's cherry,' Dean stated.

'I know.'

One week later Dean was actually feeling pretty comfortable in his living arrangements. Sam was a pretty good room mate, and not bad company either, a couple times now they had started talking and found themselves wondering hours later where the time went. Dean was relaxed here, at peace, he liked it and found himself wondering if it was always like this. Minus the work and the sex. Dean was reading a book he found in Sam's mini library early Friday morning when someone knocked on the door and Sam pushed it open.

'Hey, you decent?' Sam asked.

'Yeah, not that it matters, I mean it's nothing you haven't seen before right?' Dean shrugged.

'Yeah suppose so,' Sam agreed and leant up against the doorframe 'So tonight, we had made plans to have our semi monthly dinners with some of our friends.'

'Okay?'

'I was wondering if you'd still like to go…if you felt up to it, you really don't have to though,' Sam offered.

'Sure,' Dean shrugged.

'Really you sure? I mean I know you haven't left the house since you got here but we can do something else if it would make you uncomfortable to be around so many people, like I don't know go for a drive or something?' Sam offered.

'Dude, it's no problem, besides I'd have more of a problem with the drive than with the people, I was in a car accident remember?' Dean joked.

'Ah yeah, so okay then I guess I can ring and let them know we're still coming?' Sam clarified.

'Sure dude,' Dean shrugged and turned back to his book.

'Okay then…you sure you're okay with this?' Sam asked.

'You're doing it again Sam,' Dean pointed out, referring to the deal they made earlier about Sam crossing the line between protective and overbearing.

'Right okay, sorry, we just need to be ready by six tonight,' Sam added.

'No problem,' Dean spoke not looking up from his book 'We're still working out today though right?'

'Sure, I can do it right after the phone call if you want?' Sam asked.

'Okay,' Dean nodded and Sam beamed.

'Alright then,' he said and left to make his phone call.

Dean went into the closet to try and find something else to wear. He spotted an old red t-shirt and shrugged it on along with his shorts and headed over to the exercise room. He stretched whilst Sam was gone and was just finishing up when Sam came into the room. Sam seemed to stiffen when he laid eyes on Dean, then he got a look in his eyes that made Dean feel hot all over. Sam walked over to him and got a whole lot closer than then he usually stood. Dean felt himself harden, god the heat in Sam's eyes was intoxicating.

'Where'd you find that shirt?' Sam asked.

'Closet,' Dean managed to speak 'Seemed like an old shirt.'

'It is, it's my favourite though,' Sam confessed.

God the sparks were flying, Dean knew Sam felt it too. This intense heat, Dean was stunned. Their eyes locked and god the compulsion to lean forward and press his lips against Sam's was so damn strong. Still it all went away just as quickly as it came when Sam took some long steps away and told Dean he could begin his lunges. They both went on with their schedules, talking and joking as if their little moment never happened. Dean made a mental note to himself though, to wear the shirt as often as possible, who'd have thought though, an old red t-shirt would turn Sam on like that. There was nothing special about it at all, just engraving in the corner that read 'Maple Bay College, Assistant Coach'.

Sam had been driving Dean crazy all day. The incident this morning had really affected Sam, Dean caught him looking over at him, _really_ looking at him, too many times. Dean knew that Sam missed him, or Dean, whoever he was before the accident, it had been plainly obvious to Dean in the time he spent at the apartment. Dean would say something and Sam would close up, or sag or laugh and then go all sad eyes on him. Dean had to imagine it as though he were a ghost, a presence still there but…not, not who he was before, not the man that Sam loved. It hurt Dean to see him like that, he just wanted to pull Sam close and whisper to him and tell him that it was okay or that it would be. But he didn't he just pretended that he didn't notice and made another joke whilst Sam broke a little more inside. Today though, today Sam was looking at him differently, he still missed Dean but in the biblical sense.

The looks he was giving him were the kind that seemed to say 'I remember what you taste like, what you feel like,' or 'I know that when you fuck me, I shake and beg and cry', okay that last one was more so Dean's imagination than the implication of Sam's looks but god Dean could almost taste it. So yes, Sam was driving Dean a little crazy, with the looks and the small touches and the bangs, god Dean loved the bangs. So at the end of the day he was more than a little worried of going out to dinner with a whole bunch of people he knew but didn't know; especially with hormones and sexual tension rising into the nuclear category. It had to be safe then spending the night alone at home together though. At least that was Dean's impression…until he saw Sam in a tux.

Dean stepped out the car in front of a very high class restaurant.

'You all come here for semi monthly dinners?' Dean asked surprised. Sam threw the keys to the valet and walked over to Dean.

'No, we take turns deciding. Tristan has a flare for the finer things in life,' Sam explained.

'Ahuh, and what about those of us with less financial…benefits than others?' Dean asked.

'Relax Dean, you're not one of them,' Sam patted his back but left his hand there 'Besides Tristan's a member at this place so they let riff raff like us in, for their extra special over 10 000 a year customer.'

'Holy fuck,' Dean breathed.

'Yeah,' Sam sighed and ran his hand down Dean's back before pulling his hand away.

Dean coughed and hurried inside away from Sam the human furnace.

They were greeted by name by the concierge and shown over to their table. Dean recognised one of them from the hospital, they all drew quiet and smiled when they approached.

'Sam, I'm so glad you could make it,' a blonde guy, about Dean's age stood and hugged Sam. Dean ignored the possessive surge in his gut, to push the guy away and pull Sam closer.

The blond guy pulled away and smiled sadly at him.

'Dean, how are you?' Blondie asked.

'Ah fine,' Dean answered and looked to Sam for help.

'This is Tristan Dean, he's been our mutual friend since my freshman year of college, he's a doctor as well,' Sam introduced.

'Still having memory difficulties,' Tristan sighed 'I'm sorry about what happened to you, I really hope you get well, for Sam's sake as well.'

'Thanks, I guess,' Dean smiled and in one of the only two vacant seats at the table. Sam sat down beside him.

'Well now Dean I believe you met my husband Gregory whilst you were in hospital,' Tristan gestured to the good looking yet older man beside him 'And these two young lovers are Castiel and Azazel, they're new friends of mine and Greg's.'

'Will you stop introducing us like that please,' Castiel snapped.

'I don't hear Azazel complaining,' Greg stated.

'That's cause Castiel's just too damn pretty when he gets all flushed,' Azazel smirked.

'You're evil,' Castiel glared.

'You love it.' Azazel winked.

'So how did you have the misfortune of meeting these two?' Sam asked the younger couple.

'At the Christian Gay and lesbian centre Gregory set up in Miami,' Castiel spoke up.

'And they dragged you all the way here to New York?' Sam asked.

'I can be very persuasive,' Greg shrugged 'One time I even convinced Tristan to wear flannel, it was very amusing.'

'How the hell did you do that?' Scott asked.

'Told him I had a fantasy about being ravaged by a lumberjack,' Greg winked and Dean laughed whilst Tristan gaped at Gregory astounded.

'I can't believe you told them that,' Tristan glared.

'I can't believe you didn't slap- ow!...never mind,' Gregory nursed the back of his head.

'Tristan told us you're suffering from amnesia?' Azazel asked Dean.

'Ah yeah,' Dean confirmed.

'Do you remember anything at all?' Azazel asked again. Everyone looked at him extremely interested.

'Well I remember basic things, like how to brush my teeth, and what a TV is but in regards to my history, no nothing.' Dean explained.

'That must be terrifying,' Castiel sympathised.

'It's not too horrible, it's frustrating as hell and there are some things and some…people I really wish I could remember, but it could be worse,' Dean shrugged 'I could have woken up and been straight.'

The group laughed.

'So you don't remember anything about Sam?' Azazel asked.

'No, nothing,' Dean spoke not meeting Sam's eyes afraid to see the hurt there.

'You're sure, not even something small like that he hates boy bands or something?' Tristan asked.

'I ah, I don't know,' Dean confessed 'I never really thought about it.'

'What about your dreams? You're unconscious should remember everything so some of that could pass through in your dreams,' Tristan spoke again.

'You can take the doctor out of the practise,' Greg sighed.

'My dreams don't mean anything, just jumbled up meaningless crap,' Dean brushed aside.

'What kind of crap?' Tristan asked.

Dean sighed and looked over at Sam.

'You don't have to tell us if you don't want to Dean,' Sam comforted.

Dean put his head in his hands and tried to think, tried to remember what he had dreamed last night. It was there, he knew it was…but he couldn't…he had felt something, but it was too hard, it was gone.

'God damn it!' Dean cursed 'I can't, I can't remember.'

'That's okay Dean,' Tristan smiled sadly 'I'm sorry I brought it up.'

Greg said something about ordering and they all picked up their menus. Dean looked over at Sam and sighed.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered. Sam looked over at him.

'That's okay, don't push yourself too hard okay?' Sam asked.

'Stop worrying about me!' Dean snapped 'I-I'm the one that's letting you down, please just stop worrying bout me.'

'Never gonna happen Dean,' Sam smiled softly and touched his hand. Dean's heart beat rocketed in his chest before Sam pulled away.

Dean tried to stay with it the rest of the night, to stay involved in the conversation, to not put a damper on anyone's mood, but the scene before was still weighing on him. He felt so god damn stupid.

The food arrived and the conversation died a little as everyone was stuffing their mouths with the ridiculously overpriced food. Sam took it upon himself to maintain the conversation as he began to tell a story animatedly. Without looking at his meal (fucking expensive steak and salad) he scooped up some of salad and held it up close to his mouth while he talked. Dean looked over at Sam studying him, trying again to remember something. Dean's eyes settled on the fork and his body tensed, a surge of fear ran through his entire being. Sam opened up his mouth and Dean lunged forward before common sense could catch up with him. He slapped the fork out of Sam's hands and then in blind panic and rage grabbed Sam's plate and threw it violently on the floor. The plate shattered and everyone looked over at him. A man in a suit came running over to their table. Dean stood there shocked.

'What the hell dude!' Azazel gaped.

'Is there a problem sir?' the man asked. Dean continued to stare shocked at the remains of the food on the ground.

'I…I don't know why I did that, I don't…I don't know why,' Dean looked over at Sam terrified.

'Hey it's okay,' Sam stood up and cupped the back of Dean's head, running his fingers through the hair at Dean's neck.

'I don't know why. Why would I do that?' Dean asked still in shock.

'It'll be fine Dean,' Tristan stood and turned to the man in the suit 'I'll pay for the damages and any trouble I've caused the club tonight'

'Of course sir, so would Mr McQueen need another meal?' the man asked. As another guy in the suit came to clean up the mess.

'Ah perhaps we should go actually I think-…wait a second is that shrimp?' Sam asked.

'Yes sir it does appear to be,' the man looked at Sam oddly.

'Holy crap,' Sam breathed 'I'm allergic,'

A huge grin spread across his face and he turned to Dean.

'I'm violently fucking allergic Dean! I nearly just died!' Sam beamed.

'Strange thing to be excited about,' Azazel murmed.

'You saved my life, you remembered and you saved my life!' Sam pulled Dean into a fierce hug.

Dean shut his eyes and clutched onto Sam, he was happy at the moment he really was, he was just preoccupied with closing his eyes and breathing Sam in deep.

They walked in the front door of the house and immediately threw off the stupid annoying bow ties. Sam was still wearing that ridiculously happy grin, which was becoming very annoying for Dean because every time he laid eyes on that same stupid grin his heart would jump. Dean looked down and was toeing off his shoes when he stumbled and tripped right into Sam.

'Sorry,' Dean apologised.

'That's…you know okay,' Sam's grin disappeared and neither pulled away.

Sam's hands were hot through Dean's clothes, Dean's heartbeat sped up and he must have been flushed or something because he felt so damn hot. Sam seemed to realise he was still holding onto Dean so he let his hands drop. Dean looked up at Sam, trying not to look like he wanted Sam's hands back on him, but by the surprised look in Sam's face he knew he had failed.

'Dean,' whispered and barely brushed his lips against Dean's, more like a soft touch of lips. Both closed their eyes at that smallest of touches.

Heat surged up in Dean and he leant forward and captured Sam's bottom lip, running his tongue against it softly, teasingly. Sam groaned and that's when Dean pushed his entire body against Sam pressing the younger against the wall and parting Sam's lips. Tongue's met and groans forced their way out of their mouths. God it was so hot. Dean thrust his hips against Sam's feeling Sam's erection through his pants. They began to rut against each other, clawing at backs and kissing deeper, thrusting tongue's against each other. Dean was so fucking desperate for it, he ripped open Sam's pants and his then his own, pushing them past hips and then lining up… Dean thrust his cock against Sam's and they both cried out, searching for more, rubbing their erections together, pre come making it slippery and sticky but neither cared cause it felt so fucking good. Dean's toes were curling, he was tonguing at Sam's throat, as the younger threw his head back in a cry when Dean pressed a finger to Sam's whole, not pushing in, jut rubbing, teasing, loving how Sam was thrusting so out of control. Dean was so close he was nearly sobbing. When Sam thrusted back on Dean's finger and it slipped a little inside Sam lost it and came all over himself and Dean's cock. When Sam came down he reached over and pushed his thumb against the slit of Dean's cock which had Dean crying out and coming so hard he lost all track of time.

Sam couldn't stop kissing Dean after pecks at first while Dean came down, on the forehead, the cheek, his eyelid. Then Dean pulled Sam's down and they kissed, soft and sated yet needing that intimacy.

'I knew it,' Dean breathed when the pulled away, but only enough to speak.

'Knew what?' Sam asked.

'That you are so my bitch- ow!'


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Sam woke up, once again, on the couch. Only this time he only had himself to blame. Last night was…more than wonderful. Sam had thought he had lost Dean as his partner, that from Dean's behaviour that he would never trust him or hell even like him at one point. But he did, he had grown fond of Sam. It was obvious that over the past week Dean had begun to think of Sam as a friend but Sam never would have thought that Dean would think of him like that, not so soon. He thought it would take months, maybe even years for a resemblance of who Dean use to be to arise.

Then Dean had looked at him like he had last night, with that familiar heat and lust in his eyes. That was all it took for Sam to cross that line, and what a bridge crossing it was. Dean had run his hands all over Sam desperately, as though it was his first time touching him and he wanted everything at once. It made the colour rise to Sam's face and his body burn with want. It had been hot, dirty and over all too soon. When they had parted Sam had wanted nothing more than to take Dean into the bedroom and show him just how fucking good it was between them, that no matter how many years had passed Dean managed to blow his mind every time.

But Sam also knew that Dean wasn't right yet, that Dean's mind was fragile and he didn't want Dean to freak out about a moment of passion. So he said good night to Dean and went back to his couch and a shallow sleep. Sam woke up at seven thirty and gave up on his battle with consciousness. He got up and started to do some housework. Anything to keep his hands busy. Sam was a mess with his nerves. What would be Dean's reaction when he woke up? Would he confront Sam and say that it had been a mistake? Would he ignore him and pretend it didn't happen? Would he be angry at Sam? What the hell did this mean for them anyway?

Sam jumped when he heard the sweet husky voice of a recently woken Dean.

'Hey,' Dean greeted 'What are you doing?'

'Um I was just about to clean up some dishes from yesterday, did I wake you?' Sam asked concerned.

'Yeah, but that's ok it was a bad dream anyway,' Dean shrugged.

'Do you still remember it?' Sam asked.

'…parts of it I think,' Dean frowned and went to the coffee maker.

'You should tell me about it, it might be an old memory trying to break through, but if you don't want to you don't have to tell me. No pressure or anything…about anything at all, whatever pace you need.' Sam rambled.

'It's no big deal, just a dream,' Dean shrugged 'You okay, you seem a bit…wired?'

'Ah no, just too much coffee a think, and nerves, bad combination,' Sam turned back to the dishes, really needing to keep his hands busy, and for an excuse not to look at Dean with that fucking sexy bed hair, half lidded eyes, and form fitting t shirt complete with ass hugging boxer briefs.

'What have you got to be nervous about?' Dean asked and turned back to look at Sam, leaning against the bench whilst the coffee machine did its thing.

'Um nothing…really don't worry about it, it's just my head overworking itself again,' Sam tried to brush off as he filled the sink with hot water.

'You sure? Don't want to tell me about it?' Dean asked and rested a hand on Sam's back, between his shoulder blades. Sam bit his lip, at the touch, god he loved Dean's hands, he could still feel Dean's finger inside him from last night and it made his dick stir.

'A huh, I'm good' Sam replied, when he finally gained the courage to look up at Dean he had a smile on his face.

'Dude you're so predictable,' Dean laughed.

'…are you…Christ you're fucking messing with me aren't you?!' Sam realised.

'Let me make this real easy for you Sam, save that bring brain of yours from the massive freak out you're having,' Dean spoke and let his hands fall down Sam's back to rest just above his waste line as he moved forward into Sam's personal space.

'I'm not freaking out about last night, cause it felt really, really good. No, I don't regret it, I wanted it, I still want it, and I definitely think it's a thing we should be doing in the future,' Dean briefed.

'You mean like...now?' Sam asked stunned.

'Not right this second, but that bed is freaking huge, and you're a freaking huge person. Not to mention the waste it is for this fine body of mine and it's obvious innate skills to go unwitnessed,' Dean bragged 'And I know you must be going into some crazy withdrawal stuff going without my sex for so long…'

'Oh so you're doing me a favour?' Sam asked with a half grin.

'Yeah, throwing you a bone so to speak,' Dean winked.

'You mean this one?' Sam asked and cupped Dean's cock through the thin material of his boxer briefs and started rubbing.

'That would be the one,' Dean managed to speak as his breath and heart rate increased, not to mention the pretty little flush that spread across his cheeks and chest.

Sam turned and pressed Dean against the counter as he began to rub harder, Dean now fully hard and loving the attention.

'How considerate of you,' Sam smirked.

'That's me completely…ah fuck…altruistic-CHRIST!' Dean threw his head back and Sam licked at Dean's freckles.

Through the boxer briefs, Sam thumbed the head of Dean's cock which was soaking the fabric with precome. Dean was arching his hips into Sam's touch and panting.

'Jesus Dean,' Sam gasped at how hot and heavy for it Dean was. Dean's head rose and he met Sam's gaze, eyes all hazed over and filled with lust 'I guess I'll have to thank you for your selfless actions.'

'Shut up Sam,' Dean breathed and grabbed Sam's head and pressed their lips together, he parted Sam's lips and thrust his tongue inside, caressing Sam's and panting heavily into his mouth as he followed his instincts and teased and nibbled and fucked Sam's mouth.

'Fuck!' Sam cursed and hastily pushed Dean's briefs down to his knees and jacked Dean's cock.

'Ahh!' Dean cried at the sudden feeling of skin on skin, and clutched at Sam's back.

'God Dean, please do it again, I can still feel you, please do it again,' Sam begged as he toyed with the crown of Dean's cock.

'Ah fuck!' Dean groaned like he was in agony 'What Sam, do what- Ugh!'

'Put your fingers inside me, please Dean!' Sam begged and yanked down his own pants in anticipation.

'Oh fuck! Why did you have to be so fucking hot,' Dean asked him and grasped Sam's ass.

'Yes, oh yes Dean!' Sam's hips thrust forward a little, so fucking turned on.

Dean spread Sam's butt cheeks wide and flicked his finger nail over Sam's hole.

Sam buried his face in Dean's shoulder and groaned. Dean pushed his finger inside and Sam hissed and bit down on Dean's collar bone. Dean's fingers in Sam's ass felt so good, the familiar burn made him so hot, Dean's inside me again, oh god yes!

Dean began to thrust his fingers inside of Sam and Sam lost it, he jacked Dean harder and faster making both of them moan. They rested their foreheads together and stared into one another's hooded, lustful eyes as they panted and shared hot breath between them. Hips pistoning and cocks leaking. Sam found the spot behind Dean's balls that always made Dean crazy and rubbed it as he flicked his thumb across the head of his cock. Dean threw his head back and clutched at Sam's hair as he came hard across his stomach and all over Sam's shirt.

Sam rocked back on Dean's fingers as Dean rode out his orgasm, and when Dean's fingers brushed over his prostate Sam came all over Dean's spent dick, his chest and Sam's own shirt.

They both seemed to collapse at the same moment, both with underwear around their knees and not caring in the slightest. They leant against the cupboards and tried to catch their breath.

'Definitely, definitely, doing this in the future, all the time, time not spent doing this is wasted. I think I'm going to tie you to the bed, yeah that's good idea…oh god that's hot, have we ever done that?' Dean asked.

'Many, many times.' Sam divulged 'First time was when you caught one of my professors coming onto me. Christ, I still get hot thinking about what you did to me.'

'Guh, dude that is way to hot a picture for my dick to handle right now,' Dean groaned.

'You started it.' Sam pointed out.

'Yeah well no more,' Dean concluded and tried and failed to pull is underwear up, limbs still shaking.

'Dude I totally broke you, score one for me,' Sam laughed.

'Dude you came without me touching your cock even ONCE. Score a bazillion gazillion to me,' Dean smirked.

'…shut up.' Sam blushed.

'Dude it was hot, I have some mad ninja skills,' Dean gloated.

'Ninja sex skills,' Sam laughed at the idea.

'Ninja butt sex skills,' Dean corrected and they laughed again.

'Okay,' Sam replied finally getting his breath back 'So…you and me?'

'Yeah, from what I've heard we make a pretty good team, Dean and Sam,' Dean smirked.

'Please, it's Sam and Dean,' Sam scoffed.

'Dude you-came-with-no-touchy.' Dean reminded him. Sam grabbed his underwear and threw them at Dean's head.

'Ew, it's got your jizz all over em,' Dean stuck out his tongue.

'So does your cock,' Sam reminded.

'Augh! My cock can't take that kind of stimulation, no more hot talk, stories and or images please!' Dean cried.

Sam smirked bent over and ran his fingers across Dean's dick, and moving them upward collecting their combined spunk before bringing them up in front of Dean's face and sucking his fingers clean.

'I think you just broke my penis.'

'_Hey!'_

'_Wait!'_

'_Please wait!'_

'_What did I do? Just tell me what I did, I can be better, please!' _

'_No, don't leave me alone!'_

'_Please stay with me!'_

Dean awoke abruptly; his heart was pounding and he panting. He sat up and pressed his palms against his eyes. The movement startled Sam awake beside him. He sleepily looked around and frowned at seeing Dean so shaken up.

'Hey,' Sam rasped and sat up a little 'Are you okay? Is it your leg?'

Dean shook his head and ran his hands back into his hair clutching at it hard and pulling a little at the roots.

'Do you need me to get you your pain meds?' Sam asked, sitting up and pressing his hand against Dean's shoulder concerned.

Dean made himself calm down, through pure will power. He sighed and looked over at Sam's worried face. Immediately feeling guilty.

'No, I'm sorry, I'm fine,' Dean swore.

'You sure?'

'Yeah, it was…,' Dean snorted at his own patheticness 'It was just a stupid nightmare.'

'Do you want to talk about it?' Sam asked.

Dean turned and gave him the "what the hell do you think?" Look.

Sam laughed, 'okay sorry I asked,'

'I don't even really remember it anyway, can we just….get back to sleep?' Dean asked.

'Sure,' Sam replied and laid back down turning away from Dean.

There was movement behind Sam, and a long pause before arms circled around him and a warm solid body pressed against his back.

'I was with someone, I don't know who. But I liked it, I felt close to them, like I knew them really well,' Dean described 'And then they were going away…and I tried to chase after them, I yelled out at them and I ran after them and I begged and pleaded for them not to leave me but they just ignored me…like I said bad dream.'

Dean tightened his hold on Sammy and buried his head in his shoulder.

'I'm sorry,' Sam barely whispered.

'Dude it was just a dream, what have you got to be sorry about?'

'I'm still sorry,'

Dean was straddling a shirtless and horny Sam on the exercise mat, licking his way inside Sam's mouth and steadily stroking Sam's hard cock through his shorts when Sam's mobile rang. Sam was far too gone to care, thrusting up toward Dean making those little needy noises in his throat.

'You gonna answer that?' Dean asked looking up at his lover.

'Definitely not,' Sam replied and moaned as Dean tongued his nipple.

'It could be important,' Dean stated and looked up at him from Sam's nipple.

'Not as important as my granite hard on,' Sam argued.

'Why Sam, that's kind of selfish of you,' Dean stated and pulled his hand away.

'Ugh Dean!' Sam begged.

Dean bent down and licked at Sam's nipple again 'Answer you're phone Sammy,'

'They're going to hang up any second anyway,' Sam defended and thrust up at Dean.

Dean bit Sam's nipple hard making Sam curse and undulate beneath him.

'Answer the phone,' Dean commanded and Sam obeyed.

'Hello?' Sam asked as he held the cell phone to his ear.

Dean smirked wickedly at Sam before grasping the waist of Sam's shorts and yanking them down and off, Sam's hard on smacked his stomach, incredibly turned on at Dean's forcefulness.

'Ah hi Scott,' Sam greeted.

Dean bent his head over Sam's cock and blew softly on the straining hard on. Sam shut his eyes closed tight and bit his lip, trying desperately not to make a sound.

'I-I'm good…yeah Dean's doing pretty well, no memories yet but he's good,' Sam spoke on the phone.

Dean bent down and licked a clean stripe up Sam's cock, flicking his tongue across the head and massaging the spot behind his balls.

Sam threw his head back banged it a couple times against the rug.

'He's really, really good,' Sam added.

Dean smirked again and began tonguing at the head of Sam's cock, swirling around the pre come and alternating between hard and teasing licks.

'Ahh- this weekend? N-nothing,' Sam spoke clenching his fists and biting his lip until it was good, plump and swollen.

Dean took the entire head into his mouth and sucked, hard. Sam thrust his hips up impulsively and his mouth opened in a silent scream.

Dean began to take Sam's cock further into his mouth, bobbing his head, sucking at Sam's cock and toying with his tongue.

'Ah, ah, hang on I uh-,' Sam babbled into the phone.

Sam's cock hit the back of Dean's throat and he swore. Dean was teasing him, sucking at Sam's cock and making it feel oh so fucking good, but it was painful how it was so close but not enough.

'H-hang on I'll go check with Dean,' Sam spoke and put Scott on hold before thrusting up into Dean's mouth. Dean smirked around Sam's cock and allowed the younger to fuck his mouth. Sam had lost any and all control. Thrusting erratically into Dean's mouth, body pulsating, a sweaty, babbling mess. Sam's toes curled and his mouth fell open. Dean hummed around his cock and Sam came hard down his throat.

Sam collapsed back against the rug and Dean pulled his mouth away with a wet pop, laying back against the mat, arms behind his head with a smug look on his face. Sam panted, body humming from his orgasm.

'What does Scott want?' Dean asked.

'W-weekend, party on weekend with friends, stay the night,' Sam managed to speak.

Dean reached over and grabbed Sam's phone.

'Hey Scott, yeah no worries, we'll be there, see you soon,' Dean spoke and hung up.

'You. Are going to kill me,' Sam sighed and rolled over on his front.

'Right, would that be death by orgasm, death by cock sucking or death by my insane hotness?' Dean asked.

'All of the above,' Sam spoke and sat up 'six times so far this week, you're insatiable.'

'Are you complaining?' Dean asked and raised his eyebrow.

'Fuck no,' Sam spoke quickly.

'Then shut up and jump in the shower, you reek,' Dean spoke and slapped Sam's bare and firm ass.

'Ugh, fine,' Sam rolled his eyes and stood up, grabbing his shorts and shirt and heading for the door.

'Hey get the water nice and hot will you, I'll join you in a second,' Dean directed with a smirk and wagged his eyebrows.

'Insatiable,' Sam shook his head and walked out into the hallway.

'Holy shit dude,' Dean gaped when he stepped out of Sam's car and onto the driveway 'This guy's richer than you are!'

'We are,' Sam corrected and shut his door; before he popped the trunk, and walked to the back of the car.

'Scott's the head of a multi million dollar company, he's Bruce Wayne without the coolness,' Sam explained.

'That explains the high class mansion,' Dean admired. The house had a modern wooden look, with gorgeous lanterns lighting the way up the driveway from the street and huge fucking gates. Dean liked the huge fucking gates.

'So what exactly should I expect tonight?' Dean asked.

Sam opened the trunk and pulled out the duffel filled with his and Dean's overnight stuff.

'Drinking, lots of drinking. Plus music, gossip, bitching, constant ribbing fucking awesome food and possibly music and skinny dipping, still glad you came?' Sam grinned.

'Please, I'd never miss a chance to get you naked,' Dean winked.

Sam shoved Dean a little with his shoulder as they headed up toward the front door.

'50 bucks says this guy's got a pool and a tennis court,' Dean bet as Sam knocked.

'He does, plus a hot tub, basketball court, a bar, oh and the stables,' Sam ticked off a mental list.

'Wait back up, did you say hot tub?' Dean asked and wagged his eyebrows.

'Behave,' Sam warned and the door opened.

'Hey guys you made it,' Scott greeted and held the door open for them.

Dean and Sam walked in and a dude in a suit took their duffel and said something about taking it up to their usual guest room.

'Come on in, you're late so everyone else is here,' Scott stated and gestured further in toward the house.

'Hey, not my fault,' Sam stated and looked accusingly at Dean.

'So worth it,' Dean sighed, remembering the way Sam fucked himself on Dean's fingers, throwing his head back and arching his gorgeous, sweaty back.

They walked out into the stylish yet comfortable living room, equipped with huge fire place and manned bar.

The other guests consisted of faces Dean knew Andy and Sarah (who's children were being babysat by ecstatic grandmother's), Anson, Tommy, and lastly Jake and Meg. Warm greetings were exchanged with a slight awkwardness toward Dean.

'I'll go get us some drinks,' Sam spoke to Dean.

'Us? I thought I was on prohibition?' Dean asked surprised.

'What's one drink?' Sam asked 'you're not living on pain meds anymore.'

'In that case make whatever it is you're getting a double,' Dean directed and sat down in a vacant seat.

Dean immediately tried to pick up on the conversation, which was surprisingly easy. Sam returned with a drink, and sat across from him next to Anson. Dean found that he actually liked these people. They were all quite familiar with each other, with very healthy sense of humour.

Dinner was served and the company moved the conversation into the dinning room…with the giant chandelier and fancy wooden carved dining set.

Dean was seated next to Sam with Sarah on his right.

'So Sam and Dean, how are you two handling the situation?' Tommy asked.

'Yeah, we were all kind of worried about how you two would get along after that little episode in the hospital,' Scott added.

'We're handling it fine,' Sam comforted.

'Really? Dean hasn't tried to kill you in your sleep?' Anson asked 'left maple syrup on the toilet seat? Replaced your apple juice with piss? Jerked off in all your socks?'

'Dude, what the hell?' Sam asked with a laugh.

'What? I got the major negative vibes from Dean at the hospital all zoned in toward you,' Anson defended.

'Well we got past it,' Sam shrugged.

'He grow on you Dean?' Sarah asked him with a teasing smile.

'He can be charming in dorky, brooding, over protective, anal, controlling, OCD kind of way,' Dean shrugged.

'Aw shucks,' Sam fake gushed.

'Of course that doesn't mean you should relax, that toilet seat idea seems kind of appealing,' Dean contemplated 'Although I always liked the old itching powder in the undies ploy.'

'Yeah, well you don't want to wake up dressed in women's clothes would you? Or perhaps have your hand super glued to a part of you, you wouldn't glue to anything,' Sam warned.

'Oh I don't know about that,' Dean smirked and took a drink.

Sam blushed and looked away, aware all eyes around the table were on them.

'…so not hating each others guts then now?' Andy clarified.

Sam smiled and placed his hand softly on Dean's knee under the table.

A few courses and many, many drinks later, the group were blasting music and laughing their asses at every small thing. It was amusing for an hour before Dean's head began to pound and he walked outside and onto the terrace.

'You okay?' Sam asked and followed him outside.

'Yeah, just loud,' Dean shrugged.

'Yeah…I'm really glad you're having a good time Dean,' Sam leant against the rail beside Dean, bodies touching from shoulder to knee.

'Me too,' Dean nodded and met Sam's eyes.

Sam's smile disappeared as he stared at his lover, all perfect and beautiful in the moonlight, so strong and yet so fucking fragile.

'Dean…I'm going to tell you something, but I need you to not freak out about it,' Sam spoke up gaining Dean's full attention 'You don't even need to say anything…just let me, you know say it, and then we can just sit out here, or go back inside for a drink or whatever…okay?'

'Ah sure…you okay?' Dean asked concerned.

'Yeah, yeah I'm completely fine,' Sam smiled.

Sam faced Dean and cupped his stubbled jaw in his palm.

'I love you Dean, I'm sorry if that freaks you out, and know that it doesn't mean I want or need anything from you. I'm happy with things the way they are. I just want you to know how fucking much I'm in love with you, how I love every single second that I'm with you. In our home, doing exercises, making breakfast or coffee, or fooling around or tasting every inch of you, I love you.' Sam confessed.

Dean stared at him, blush spreading across his cheeks. Sam reached forward and pressed a soft kiss against Dean's lips, before turning and heading back inside. Dean grabbed Sam's hand, and Sam swung around surprised.

Dean then raced forward, pulling Sam along behind him.

'Dean?' Sam asked surprised.

Dean ignored him and hurried up the stairs, pulling Sam along and then down the hallway.

'Dean what are you-,' Sam asked but was interrupted when Dean turned around to face him.

'Which is ours?' Dean asked.

'Huh?'

'Which is our room?' Dean asked hastily.

'Ahh third on the left?' Sam answered though he had no idea why.

Dean raced down the corridor, yanked open the door and thrust Sam inside.

'Dean?' Sam went to ask again.

Dean pushed Sam up against the door, their bodies flushed together. Dean stared into Sam's eyes. Slowly Dean rocked his body against Sam's, seeking that delicious friction.

Sam gasped a little hard already, Dean leant forward and barely brushed his lips against Sam's. Enjoying the adoring look in Sam's eyes too much to give it up. He continued to stare at Sam as his thrusts became harder. Sam was flushed, having Dean stare at him…it was doing things to him. He was hot all over. Dean unbuttoned Sam's shirt and tore it from his shoulders. Dean's eyes raked all over Sam's chest, before he jerked on the buttons of Sam's trousers and tugged his pants and boxers down to the floor.

Dean was staring at him again, Sam all flushed, naked and yeah maybe leaking a little, leaning against the door. Dean reached forward and rested his hand on Sam's cock. Sam moaned and thrust his hips forward into the hot grasp. Dean let him and soon Sam was fucking Dean's fist, loosing himself in it. Sam's head and upper body rested against the door, unable to gain the strength to raise them, he lowered his gaze and blushed further at the way his cock was fucking Dean's fist, fuck, it was so fucking hot.

And then Dean was all over him, mouth and hands everywhere. Sam felt fucking high, each touch making him harder.

'Dean, what are you doing to me- oh god,' Sam whimpered.

Then Dean was on his knees with Sam's cock in the back of his throat and his fingers buried in Sam's ass. Sam was crying out and clutching at anything he could. He thrust into Dean's mouth and trembled every time Dean's fingers brushed his prostate.

It all came in flashes, cause then Sam was on the bed, and Dean was naked on top of him, whispering hotly in his ear as Dean's cock was slip sliding across his ass, riding the crack. Fuck Sam had never wanted anything as much as he wanted Dean's cock in him. It had been too fucking long, and he needed it, he needed Dean inside him again. To make him whole.

Then Dean was pressing against his entrance and Sam was begging, and there was the beautiful blissful pain that came when Dean was pushing his way inside him. Sam could hear Dean cursing and praising him as he pushed his cock in and out. Sam was crying, he thinks, and drooling on the pillow, it was so good. Then Dean flipped him over and was soothing him and kissing him as he steadily thrust in and out.

'Dean, Dean- more, Dean!' Sam panted.

Dean sped up, and thrusted harder and Sam was falling apart, undulating and thrusting back desperately.

Sam was confessing again, he couldn't help it, so much love was exploding inside of him. He was his mantra.

'Dean I love you, god I love you, I love you, I love you, don't ever leave me, please don't leave me,'

'Never,' Dean whispered back and pounded Sam's prostate.

Sam came. Hard. And then Dean was coming inside of him and everything was black.

Sam was wrapped around Dean like a blanket, dead to the world. Dean had been lying there for nearly an hour now just watching his lover sleep, curling his hands through Sam's sweaty, wild hair. Dean rested his head against Sam's and whispered words he could never say to Sam when he was awake.

'I love you too.'


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

A full and aching bladder work Sam up halfway through the night, he opened his eyes and found Dean looking at him.

'Hey,' Sam greeted 'You okay?'

'Yeah, just having trouble sleeping is all,' Dean excused.

'After all the sex, are you kidding me?' Sam asked with a smile, Dean grinned back.

'Having weird dreams,' Dean shrugged.

'Hold that thought,' Sam stood up 'I'm gonna go take a piss, than you can pour your heart out to me.'

'Blow me sasquatch,' Dean denied and threw a pillow at Sam as he ran off to the bathroom.

Sam came back and Dean was starring up at the ceiling with his hands behind his head.

'So,' Sam spoke and walked around to his side of the bed 'What were the dreams about?'

'I dunno, it was all jumbled up, it was fucking frustrating,' Dean sighed 'It's like I was standing still and everything and everyone around me kept changing back and forth and I really don't want to talk about it ok. It's only further proof how much my brain is fucked up.'

'Okay,' Sam gave in, leaning on his side to face Dean.

Dean turned his head and looked at Sam intently.

'Hey, can I ask you something?' Dean asked.

'Anything,' Sam answered.

'When I was in the hospital, I was asking…I asked people about us and what we were like, if we fought often, if we were close, you know. Someone said that we broke up once, is that right?' Dean asked.

'Yeah we did,' Sam answered honestly and shifted a little on the bed.

'What happened,' Dean asked.

'Well, I was in college and we'd been going out since I was in high school. We'd been living together for a while but you were getting really busy with your work…and I was studying. I don't really know what happened. We were both…passionate, in everything we did. That included love making and fighting. We had this huge argument, I was angry that we weren't having much time together and I'm pretty sure you were angry about the same thing, but it spun out of control and I said something about people my age experimenting and having fun with strangers, and then you yelled that I should go ahead or something. Anyway we broke up after the fight,' Sam continued.

'I don't think you understood me, cause when you were my age, when you were in college you did the whole gay clubbing thing. Dancing and drinking all night, and getting with random hot guys in backrooms, it was something you'd done and enjoyed but got over after a couple years. I think you thought it was some right of passage that all homosexual men should go through. I think, that you thought I was missing out, that I wanted to do all those things but you were tying me down. My friends all said the same thing. You weren't, just so you know. But after we broke up, I was furious and heartbroken. So I did what my friends did, I did the college, random guy in backroom thing, and I thought I might enjoy some small part of it, and nothing. I just missed you. Every guy I fucked, I was thinking about you, every second. It was really, really annoying, just so you know.' Sam stated.

Dean was both incredibly jealous and incredibly flattered at the same time.

'So what happened?' Dean asked.

'I came crawling back. Pulled you out of some big meeting, and poured my big old weeping heart out. Told you I missed you, that I don't want a life of parties and random hotties. I just wanted one hottie, and I'll wait forever it means I can be with you. God we had the best fucking make up sex, all angry and dirty,' Sam sighed.

'So it wasn't that either of us didn't love the other anymore?' Dean asked.

'No, that was never the problem. I think it was our insecurities actually, too afraid to loose the other, that we just broke it off ourselves to save the pain, only that only made the pain worse,' Sam explained.

'But you still left me?' Dean clarified.

'…yeah, but I came back,' Sam spoke and stroke his hand across Dean's cheek 'I'll always come back.'

Dean grabbed Sam and pulled him in close, as they settled down and let sleep take them.

'_Dude, quit swooning it's lame,' Andy snapped him out of it._

'I was not swooning,' Sam ar_gued and turned to look at Andy._

'_There were practically stars in your eyes man,' Andy mocked 'If this were a__n old movie there'd be soft music playing and you'd be having flashbacks of all the tender moments you've shared in the past.'_

'Please, if anyone's smitten here it's you. You're the one that went all bitchy emo kid when you were separated with Sarah for a month.' Sam argued.

'And still I'm not the one making goo goo eyes at the assistant coach.' Andy stated.

'I am not!' Sam denied.

'Dude admit it! You've got it bad. The swooning, the goo goo eyes and the sighing? You're all a quiver with love.' Andy said and placed his hand over his heart.

'I am not a quiver with love!' Sam shouted.

'Hi Coach Winchester, did you want something?' Sarah spoke up.

Sam and Andy froze and slowly moved their gazes up to see Dean standing over them with a smirk on his face.

'Crap.' Andy spoke 'How long have you been standing there?'

_**Shift.**_

'_Heya Sammy,' Dean greeted with his usual line._

'Hi,' Sam replied. Dean then held out the bouquet to Sam. Sam reached out and accepted them on impulse.

'These are for me?' Sam asked still in shock.

'No they're for the waitress, of course they're for you.' Dean joked.

'You brought me roses,' Sam stated 'Am I being seduced?'

'Hmm, more like wooed,' Dean corrected.

'If your objective was to have me all embarrassed and blush like an ass in public you've succeeded,' Sam joked and stared at the roses, not exactly sure how to carry them or what to do with them.

'Nah, if I wanted to make you blush I'd squeeze your ass and palm your cock,' Dean thought aloud and then winked; Sam went cherry red 'You always look so damn cute and pink when I do that.'

'Shut up,' Sam hissed and looked around the fairly popular restaurant 'People will hear you.'

Dean shrugged.

'Come on, I reserved a table for us,'

Dean woke up panting. He turned to find Sam, but he wasn't there. Dean tossed aside the sheets and went to find the bathroom.

Sam flipped the pancake and caught it perfectly with the frying pan.

'Dude if I didn't already know you were gay, that right there, would prove it,' Andy spoke up from his stool on the other side of the bench.

'Laugh all you want, but I'm not the one that's stuck with burnt toast for breakfast every morning,' Sam smirked and leant against the bench.

'You know we have people to cook for us for right, people who are paid to do whatever we want them to?' Scott reminded as he came in and sat next to Andy.

'Well go get em, I'm not making your selfish ass breakfast,' Sam stated.

'Than what are you doing?' Tommy asked as he and Anson entered the room from the patio.

'…nothing, I just like cooking,' Sam turned away and flipped his pancake again.

'Awww, he's making breakfast for Dean,' Anson cooed and took a seat on the other side of his brother.

'Awww,' all the guys sighed in unison.

'Dude shut up!' Sam blushed and threw his tea towel at Anson's head.

'That's just adorable, you're such a good little wifey,' Andy stated.

Dean came down the stairs and everyone at the bench stopped talking and looked over at him.

'Ah hey,' Dean spoke awkwardly.

'Hey,' the guys spoke in unison.

Dean walked over to Sam and stole one of his pancakes.

'Hey!' Sam gaped and slapped his wrist.

Dean grinned and dodged away.

'God these are good,' Dean moaned 'if there's one thing you're awesome at, it's cooking…well I guess it's not the only thing.'

Sam blushed at the causal mention of sex in front of friends, Dean took the opportunity to steal another pancake and nibble on Sam's ear as he reached for it.

Sam whimpered as Dean pulled away with a smirk.

'Dude…did you just…,' Andy broke off 'that's the most humiliating sound I've ever heard,'

'You're soo Dean's bitch,' Anson laughed.

'You say it like it's a bad thing,' Dean joked and leant against the bench near Sam.

Sarah walked in and over to Andy.

'Hey, you better make sure to call your boss today, before you forget,' Sarah reminded and handed him his phone.

'Oh shit, yeah fuck I already forgot,' Andy cursed 'You're a lifesaver, what would I ever do without you?'

'Fall into depression and loose all reason for living,' Sarah answered with a smirk.

Dean mauled over his thoughts, while Andy talked over the phone, debating whether or not to ask. When Andy hung up Dean figured what the hell.

'Have you two ever…been apart?' Dean asked them.

'Who us?' Andy asked surprised at the turn in conversation.

Sam looked up and over at him confused.

'Yeah, I mean have you ever been apart once you were…you know a couple?' Dean asked.

'…No…not really,' Andy answered.

'Oh,' Dean nodded, maybe his dream was just a dream. Sure Andy had looked younger in his dream, and different. Maybe the image of Andy was a memory just not the events.

'Unless you count high school,' Sarah corrected.

'Oh yeah,' Andy nodded 'We sorta not really broke up in high school for about a month.'

'Really?' Dean asked a little excited 'by any chance you didn't turn into a bitchy emo kid at that time did you?'

Anson bent over in hysteric laughter and Sam covered up his grin with his hand.

'I-…no, definitely not,' Andy denied.

'Dude, that's a lie and you know it,' Sam cut in.

'No it isn't,' Andy argued.

'I succinctly remember you having guy pms,' Tommy added.

'I did not!' Andy crossed his arms.

'You're so whipped,' Scott laughed.

'Yeah well, at least I'm not as badly whipped as Sam! You don't see me making pancakes do ya?!' Andy deflected.

'Hey!' Sam gaped.

'He can't help it though,' Dean defended 'It's like you said, he's all a quiver with love.'

Sam dropped his spatula and Andy's mouth fell open.

'When the hell did Andy say that?' Scott asked confused.

'I'm not sure exactly,' Dean answered 'But they were wearing red and blue uniforms, and decorating some sort of…I'm guessing banner. I overheard them arguing, Gallagher was telling Sam how he was all a quiver with love for his assistant coach.'

'Holy crap! I totally remember that, bloody teachers made me sparkle stars!' Andy exclaimed. Sam just stared at him in complete shock.

'I have another question, did I really give you a bouquet of roses on our first date?' Dean asked Sam 'Cause that's just entirely too Clark Gable, doesn't seem like me at all. Figured I was more of a pizza and beer guy,'

Sam stared at him amazed, as did the rest of the group.

'…what?' Dean asked.

'Okay, okay, how about the time when we locked Scott outside the lockers in the buff, when the cheerleaders were walking past on the way to practise!' Anson offered.

Since Dean had revealed his partial memory gain, the entire group had gathered around him, retelling old stories and asking if Dean remembered of them, Dean was glad to say that he had absolutely no recollection of certain events described by the guys.

'Dude, Winchester wasn't even at Maple Bay when that happened,' Jake rolled his eyes.

'Oh yeah…although it does explain why none of the cheerleaders would go out Scotty here, after they assessed his…credentials,' Anson laughed.

'Fuck you! That was grade 10 I was still developing!' Scott argued.

'Sure thing man,' Anson laughed harder.

'I can personally vouch for the well endowedness of my boyfriend here, I've gagged more than once trying to swallow that thing,' Tommy interceded.

'Eww!' Andy, Anson and Jake all spoke in unison.

'Okay, I got one, how about that time Anson crashed our car cause Ava was sucking him off while he was driving!' Andy added.

'Fuck you man,' Anson laughed and shoved his brother.

'Oh, dude! How about that time we had that away game at Dallas, and burnt a fucking dick on their football field!' Jake recalled.

'The dallas away game?' Dean asked a familiar twinge and then sudden clarity.

'_Anything you wanna tell me?' Dean offered._

'I don't think I can,' Sam shook his head 'What about you Mr Enigma? Anything you want to tell me?'

Dean just sat there looking carefully at Sam, all pretty eyes and delicate skin and adorable bangs. Giving Dean that same look he had been giving him for weeks, steadily _breaching his walls._

'No,' Dean answered and pressed his lips against Sam's.

Dean's first thoughts were, so soft, and then _**more,**__ Dean ran his tongue softly against Sam's bottom lip, begging Sam to let him. Sam's eyes slipped shut and he let Dean part his lips. Dean's tongue gently tasted Sam's mouth and slid along Sam's own tongue. Sam whimpered and his hands reached out to grab at Dean's shirt while Dean tasted him. Oh god, it was sweet and hot, and oh god it felt amazing. Sam began to kiss back, brushing his own tongue against Dean's and tilting his head for a better angle and a deeper kiss. Dean's kiss became hungrier and Sam whined when Dean pulled away._

'Sam,' Dean breathed out and rested his forehead against Sam's.

'Dean,' Sam whispered 'You don't have to go out to get laid,'

Dean practically growled and pulled Sam into another kiss. Sam shrugged off his jacket but that did nothing to decrease the heat, especially when Dean's hands slid under the back of his shirt and gripped his back. Dean pulled away from the kiss as he grabbed the hem of Sam's shirt. Sam met Dean's gaze and raised his arms. He was so ready for this, so willing to have Dean touch him. Dean raised the shirt over Sam's head and threw it aside. Immediately Dean's hands were all over Sam's naked chest, fuck he couldn't get enough. Dean knew, knew he should stop, that he should definitely not be doing this, not with a student. But fuck, Sam was so gorgeous, so innocent and oh so fucking tempting. And here he was, this young kid who had no fucking idea what he did to Dean, writhing and arching into his touch. Dean's hands were then at Sam's buckle and he unzipped Sam's jeans. Sam's cock was already weeping. Dean stared hungrily.

'Oh I definitely remember the Dallas away game,' Dean confirmed and looked across at Sam who was beaming, seemingly so happy it made Dean's stomach tie up in knots 'It was the first time.'

'What first time?' Scott asked confused.

'Our first time,' Sam clarified.

'Huh?...ohhhh,' Scott realised.

'For a virgin you were incredibly needy,' Dean recalled and Sam blushed.

'I was _not _a virgin!' Sam denied.

'You were in all the ways that mattered that night Sam,' Dean winked.

'Dude waaay too much info,' Anson objected.

'Hey, do you remember the one on one sessions you had with us at Maple Bay?' Tommy asked curiously.

_This time when Sam showed up to his session Dean wasn't late. Sam smiled brightly as the door closed behind him. That cheeky sly grin of Dean's welcomed him._

'Heya Sammy,'

'Hi,' Sam leant back against the door. Dean stood up and walked his way over to Sam

'So…did you still want to talk about Harry Potter?' Sam asked.

'Fuck no,' Dean replied and pinned Sam against the door. Sam was already painfully hard, when Dean palmed Sam's cock. Sam gasped and let his head fall back against the door.

'So eager to see me, Sammy?' Dean asked with a grin. Sam licked his lips and smiled as Dean tracked the movement.

'Been hard thinking about you all god damn day,' Sam whispered into Dean's ear and pressed his hips against Dean's, feeling an equally hard cock press against his. 'Can't stop thinking about Saturday. The way you touched me,'

Sam unzipped his own pants, and took Dean's hand, guiding it under his trousers, and letting Dean's fingers brush against his cock. Sam moaned and bucked a little.

'Aw fuck,' Dean swore.

_**Shift**_

'_Yes sir,' Sam nodded and walked into the office. After a moment or two Dean entered and shut and locked the door behind him. Dean turned around and was pushed back against the door with Sam tonguing the shell of his ear as he rubbed Dean's cock through his pants._

'Sam-,' Den groaned as he hardened beneath Sam's now expert and demanding touch.

'Yes sir?' Sam asked, breathing hot against his neck.

'Not what I brought you here for,' Dean managed as Sam unzipped his pants and forced his palm inside both pants and boxers. Dean moaned and flexed his hips.

'Can't help it sir. I need to please you,' Sam whispered and stroked Dean 'Please tell me that I please you. I'll do whatever you want, whatever you ask me.'

Dean's cock jerked in Sam's fist. All the sirs and pleading were making Dean too hot to still be wearing clothes. Dean shrugged off his shirt and tossed it aside. Sam immediately began to suck and nip at the golden skin before him, still stroking Dean steadily. Sam applied pressure to the slit of dean's cock and Dean smacked his head back against the door, using all will power not-to-fucking-come.

'What do you want?' Sam asked and kissed his way back up Dean's chest 'Please sir, tell me what to do.'

'Oh fuck Sammy,' Dean husked 'S-suck me,'

A huge almost feral grin swept across Sam's face as he dropped to his knees.

'Fuck!' Dean exclaimed and shifted a little in his seat, cock hard and tenting his pants.

'What?' Anson asked 'What do you remember? Is it something about these guys? Is it juicy?'

Dean looked at Sam in awe.

'We had a lot of office sex,' Dean stated.

'Ha ha, ah yeah, we did,' Sam blushed and laughed a little.

'You had a dirty fucking mouth,' Dean noted 'In more ways than one.'

'Ugh! Okay, can we please get past the gay sex thing now?' Jake shuddered.

'Yeah okay, how about you remember the time Jake tried to pull some fancy ass move in one of our diving lessons and ended up stradling the diving board and clutching at his balls in blinding pain,' Scot recalled 'I'm amazed you were able to procreate after that.'

'Oh go to hell,' Jake rolled his eyes.

'Diving lessons?' Dean asked.

'Yeah…you don't remember?' Tommy asked.

'_You don't have to keep afloat in the shallow end dude, and right now I really need to touch you,' Dean smirked and slowly floated on his back, arms pushing the water so he was inching toward the shallows. Sam grinned and dove under the water, kicking hard and emerging at the end of the pool, standing on the bottom and flicking his wet bangs out of his face. Dean laughed still moving slowly toward him._

'Eager much?' Dean asked. Sam's hands disappeared under the water and the teenager made some odd awkward movements before a smirk stretched on his face as Sam lifted his board shorts up out of the water and placed them on the pool edge.

'You tell me?' Sam asked. Dean groaned and freestyled his way over to Sam. As soon as he got there he was all over Sam. Tasting and darkening the hickies marked on Sam's skin. Hands running over Sam's beautiful wet body. Sam wrapped his arms around his lover and pressed his naked form against Dean's soaked clothed body. Dean moaned and threw his head back as he began to hump against Sam. The water intensified everything and Sam was aching for it.

'Christ, and I thought we had a lot of sex now,' Dean was in complete awe.

'You've got to be shitting me!' Anson groaned 'The pool?'

'Hey yeah! That's where I caught you guys!' Andy exclaimed

They got back to the apartment and Dean collapsed on the sofa.

'Ugh! I'm so fucking tired,' Dean groaned.

'I'm not surprised,' Sam bent down and caressed Dean's face with his hand 'All the memories coming back produces a great strain. On your mind and your body,'

'I'm so lucky you're a doctor,' Dean sighed 'Take care o' me. You're a good doctor. My good doctor.'

'Well you're a very good patient. Very…eager to please,' Sam teased.

'Anythin' you want doc, want me to turn my head and cough?' Dean asked groggily.

'No, I want you to sleep, get some rest. Just, if you don't wake up until the morning, and I'm not here, don't freak out. I have to go check on a friend of ours. When you wake up I intend on giving you a full physical,' Sam explained and winked 'Then I promise, I'll give you a full and extensive physical'

'Then I'll return the favour, I'm especially looking forward to the part where you touch your toes,' Dean giggled.

'Night Dean,' Sam whispered and brushed his lips against his forehead.

'Night Sammy,' Dean sighed.

Sam's heart soared. It had been the first time Dean had called him Sammy since the accident. God he hadn't realised how much he missed it. Sam bent down and kissed Dean ever so gently. Whispering To Dean about how much he loved him, until Dean's breathing evened out and was dead to the world.

Five hours later, Sam entered his bedroom from the shower and found Dean laying there waiting for him.

'Hey,' Sam greeted 'You're awake.'

'Yeah, thanks for letting me take a nap,' Dean spoke.

Sam crawled up onto the bed and wrapped his arms around Dean, hugging him tightly.

'You have no idea how happy this makes me,' Sam confessed and buried himself deeper in Dean's arms 'You're remembering, you're going to be okay, and I won't be the only one who remembers how fucking much we love each other.'

'I remember,' Dean comforted 'Well okay, not all of it but I'm getting there. For instance…,'

Dean rolled Sam over on his back and straddled his towel clad hips.

'I remember, that when I taste you here, you make this fucking teasing sound,' Dean recited before bending down and tonguing the skin on Sam's neck below the ear; nibbling and biting the skin softly. Sam keened and hardened under his towel.

'And if I run my tongue down your chest, you moan like starving man,' Dean stated.

'I do n-AHHH!' Sam moaned long and deep, as Dean trailed his tongued down his lovers chest toward his navel.

'You also have this thing,' Dean stated, taking a hold of Sam's towel and tossing it aside.

'W-what thing?' Sam asked.

'You like…this groove on my hip,' Dean stated as he pulled back and took off his pants, his last article of clothing 'You love it, I've seen you starring at it as I stretch, many, many times.'

Dean crawled back on top of Sam, loving the hungry look in his lovers eyes as they fell on the groove.

'When we're all worked up, and too desperate to get completely naked or make it to the bedroom. You _love _to thrust against it. It gets you off faster than my hand,' Dean stated.

Dean grasped Sam's rock hard cock, a hiss escaping from Sam's lips. Dean bent down and nestled Sam's cock against Dean's groove, making the younger man groan and bite his lip in arousal.

'And when you thrust against it…' Dean taunted and wiggled his hips teasingly, Sam broke and thrust up against him, cock fitting and pushing up against Dean's groove, spreading pre come as it went.

Sam's entire body arched and fell as a pulse of arousal rushed through him.

'You buckle like a rickety bridge,' Dean whispered in Sam's ear.

Sam groaned, grasped Dean's ass and began to rock up against Dean, again and again. Getting oh so close. His toes already curling, entire body hot and screaming. The head of his cock about ready to explode. Then Dean clamped his hand around the base of Sam's cock and he nearly sobbed.

'I love it, I love all of it, everything you do drives me so fucking crazy,' Dean whispered, reached around, and fingered Sam's whole.

Dean pulled his hand away, impatiently and lined up his cock.

'But there's one thing you do, that I can't get enough of, that I have to see as much as I fucking can,' Dean confessed and steadily pushed inside. Sam gasped and spread his legs wider as Dean moved all the way inside.

Dean stopped and waited, starring down at Sam. Knowing Sam was more than ready for him to move but drawing it out as long as I can.

'The look you get when we're like this. You're so fucking hungry for it, it's written all across your face and you don't even care. At this point, you'll do just about anything. Do anything I want, I've seen you beg, plead, undulate, cry and fuck yourself on my cock, just to get me to move inside you.' Dean whispered 'You're a sneaky little shit, cause everything you do works, I always give in, always, and then you make the most beautiful sounds, you say the most amazing things. And I know how much you need me.'

'I do,' Sam agreed vigorously 'I need you so much Dean, please!'

Dean moved, he practically pounded Sam into the mattress, and then against the wall.

Sam came, screaming, nails and legs digging into Dean as his mind and cock exploded. Dean followed him afterward. And they both lay there completely spent, wrapped around each other.

'_I'm sorry.' Dean whimpered 'I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. I should have been there for you. I made you go in the first place, so sorry Sammy.'_

Sam clutched at Dean's back and shook his head on Dean's shoulder.

'Not your fault. None of it is. You're here now, that's all I care about Dean. This was worth the wait. Just want you to hold me.' Sam's eyes were watering, he looked so tired, so shattered.

'They wouldn't tell me, they wouldn't tell me who was hurt and all I could think about was that you were dying and I wasn't there for you. Wanted to scream or run but I couldn't. I worried that if I got to the hospital they wouldn't let me see you because no one knows about us. About how much I…' Dean broke off and clutched at Sam tighter 'Thought I'd never be with you again.'

Sam was crying now, openly. Looking up at Dean through the tears, god he was so beautiful, it broke Dean's heart.

'I'm okay Dean, I'm here with you. Only want to be with you.' Sam swore.

_Sam pressed his lips against Dean's. The kiss was so different from the others. Before the kisses were all heat and demand, a hungry rush toward release. This kiss was slow, too intimate, Dean kissed Sam, committing the taste to memory, that sweetness that always made him loose himself inside of his Sammy. Dean pressed Sam back and he moved them toward the rug in front of the fireplace. Sam clung to him, and arched up toward his body. It was all so raw and it hurt a little but Dean still wanted more of it. Sam shook off his coat and tossed it aside._

'Dean,' Sam whimpered 'I need you.'

_**Shift**_

_Dean stood there looking at Sam dressed in a dashing tuxedo, looking absolutely gorgeous. Sam's heart pounded in his chest and oh god Dean looked so damn beautiful. Dean walked over to Sam and didn't stop until he stood right before him and smiled a little._

'Hey Sammy,' Dean spoke.

'…hi,' Sam returned 'What are you doing here?'

'I came to see you,' Dean answered straight away 'We have some things to talk about.'

Oh god, he was going to say them, right there in front of the whole school.

'I've gotta make it quick, cause security's going to be here any minute and I won't wait another damn day to ask you,' Dean explained.

Sam didn't know what to do or say all he could do was listen to the pounding of his own heart and stare at Dean…and try to ignore the hundreds of eyes staring at him.

'What you said at the trial…,' Dean spoke 'Did you mean it?'

'…yes. Every word.'

Dean studied Sam and looked directly into his eyes.

'Even after…what I said…what I did?' Dean asked.

'You didn't mean it,' Sam excused him 'I know you didn't. I'd still…if you had meant it, I'd still feel…it wouldn't change anything.'

Dean nodded.

'Okay then, I guess the only thing to do know is to…' Dean tried to make light of the situation but stopped himself and took a step closer to Sam so that they were barely an inch a part.

'I love you too,' Dean confessed and Sam felt the world fall out from under him. Relief, happiness, love, he was drowning in them all.

'I want you. I need you Sam,' Dean confessed 'Come with me.'

Two large guys pushed through the crowd and stepped up behind Dean.

'You'll need to come with us sir,' one of the security guy's said. Dean didn't look away from Sam, waiting for his answer.

'Where?' Sam asked.

'Doesn't matter,' Dean shook his head 'just come with me.'

The security guard reached out to grab Dean but Sam beat him to it. He wrapped his arms around Dean and pressed their lips together, Dean responded immediately and they were kissing desperately with tongue and heat and love. It felt so good, like they had been parted for years and now they were together and they never wanted to be a separated again. Sam broke the kiss and Dean pulled him impossibly closer.

'I love you,' Sam whispered in Dean's neck, savouring the way Dean's grip on him tightened possessively at those words.

_**Shift**_

'_You're too late,'_

'Yeah sorry I had to work,'

'Surprising. How many fucking times is this scenario going to play out Sam?'

'Can we not do this?' Sam asked.

'Sure, whatever's fucking convenient for you!'

'I'm tired Dean,'

'So am I Sam. I'm tired of all this bullshit. Of your bullshit!...I don't deserve this Sam!'

'Listen to yourself, you sound like a whiney little wife,'

'Fine, have it your way. No more talking,'

**Shift**

_Dean pulled over on the side of the road to catch his breath. He was needed at the hospital, Andy and Sarah needed him. But god, Dean didn't think he could do it. He couldn't face Sam. He couldn't stare into the eyes of the man he loved…oh god so damn much, and have his heart break all over again when Sam looked right through him and stalk past without a word or gesture. Dean couldn't bare the thought of it. Fuck, why was this happening? What had he done? Why did Sam hate him so much? Why didn't Sam love him anymore? God if Dean could have one thing, it would be to have Sam back. He would do anything, lie, cheat, steal, beg, die, he would sell his soul just have Sam love him again. _

_Dean took some long steadying breaths. Now was not the time for this. He would go to the fucking hospital, he would go be there for his friends and his godchild, and he would walk past Sam and pretend that he wasn't__ falling apart. He would pretend that he hadn't been thinking thoughts that some might consider extremely dramatic involving the roof of the hospital. Dean took another long breath, and pulled back onto the one way road. Dean heard a siren faint but getting closer. Dean looked in the review mirror and prepared to move to the right. Only there were no emergency vehicles behind him…but the siren sounded like it was getting closer._

'_What the fuck?' Dean asked no one confused. _

_That's when he saw the ambulance tear around the corner… it couldn't have taken more than a few seconds. There was this huge roar of metal on metal and then excruciating pain. _

Dean awoke screaming, his face was damp with tears and his body was shaking. Oh god, he remembered. He was right, in the hospital, he knew he couldn't trust Sam, he knew that he was lying, he knew there was no way someone that gorgeous and seemingly perfect could ever love him. Dean brought his knees up to his chest and bit into his wrist as he sobbed. Oh god, he didn't want to be right. He just wanted Sam.

Sam opened the door to his apartment and poked his head inside.

'Hello, I'm home!' Sam shouted with a grin on his face, he opened the door wide, walked inside and shut it closed behind him.

'I brought you some nice hot cherry pie from the dessert place down the street,' Sam called out, said pie heavy in his hands.

Getting no answer in regards to cherry pie made Sam frown, and he made his way down the hallway toward their bedroom.

'Dean?' Sam asked as he knocked on their door.

He pushed the door open the door. Cherry pie fell to the floor, sending pieces of fruit and pastry splattering across the floor. The room was a mess, cupboards thrown wide open, clothes tossed about, it took Sam all of two seconds to realize that it was Dean's clothes that were missing, as well as one of two large suitcases normally kept at the bottom of the cupboard.

'Dean!' Sam yelled and ran for the door.

He flung it open and rushed down the stairs. He pushed passed, residents and staff and flung himself out onto the snow covered street. Searching desperately for that familiar face, hair and shoulders. Nothing, the street was next to empty. Sam ran down the street that lead deeper into New York, he ran and ran, crying Dean's name. His only answer was the heavy silence he both knew was coming and feared from the moment he fell in love with Dean Winchester.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

After an hour of random, hopeless searching of the streets Sam hurried back to the apartment and called Andy. Who told Sarah. Who called the police. And then everyone else to see if any of them had seen or heard from Dean. However she only received a chorus of no. Andy eventually managed to get Sam calm…or in a less panicky state by re-establishing his focus on how to track down Dean. Sam searched the house for any sign of where Dean would go, any clue. Finding nothing Sam wracked his mind for the next logical step.

Which was to call Dr Corbet. Sam explained the situation, before carrying onto his questions of whether this had ever happened before to other amnesiac patients, and where similar cases were likely to run of to if spooked. Corbet told him in most cases the patients would return to somewhere familiar, however due to Dean's age it could be practically anywhere a childhood home, school, university, apartment, workplace, it would be like searching for a needle amongst hundreds of haystacks. Sam thanked him and Corbet assured him that he would alert the hospital staff in case Dean returned to the hospital.

Sam hung up feeling completely helpless, when the door bell rang. Sam walked over and pulled it open. Sarah, Andy, Anson, Scott, Tommy, Tristan and Greg all stood there.

'Thought you could use a hand in the search,' Andy shrugged. Sam had nearly broke down then and there.

The group sat Sam down whilst a few left to make everyone coffee.

'It's all my fault,' Sam hung his head in his hands 'I should have told him at the beginning. I should have stayed here and explained when he started to remember.'

'Dude, it's not your fault, it was bound to be too much for him to handle. Remembering nothing for so long and then a thousand memories returning at once? It'd make anyone freak out,' Andy comforted.

'I don't, I don't think that's why he left,' Sam shook his head.

'What else could it be?' Tristan asked as he returned with a tray lined with coffee.

'Me,' Sam answered 'I think he remembered what I was like before the accident.'

'What do you mean?' Greg asked confused.

'I…I'd been a bit…a huge fucking asshole,' Sam confessed 'I was working all the time, even when I didn't have to, I spent all my time at the hospital and when I'd come home I'd ignore him and be indifferent to him. He'd beg me to talk to him, to tell him what was bothering me but I was too damn stupid to listen. I should have listened. I was just too damn afraid. I thought he'd leave me if I told him what-,'

'Why didn't you tell us you and Dean were having trouble?' Tristan asked.

'Cause I wanted it that way, I needed him to leave me,' Sam explained 'I still loved him, I couldn't leave, but if he could leave me…'

'You're not making any sense sweety,' Sarah stated.

'It's about Mom,' Sam blurted 'I thought that if Dean…went away I'd become like Mom. I'd…I was so afraid that I would be like her, I tried to push him away.'

Realisation came over everyone's faces.

'You were afraid you'd fall a part,' Tommy stated.

'Or he would,' Sam stated.

'Oh Sam, you stupid boy,' Sarah glowered 'Why didn't you just tell Dean all this? Before any of this?'

'I tried, I couldn't,' Sam shook his head.

'Well you're going to have to now,' Anson pointed out 'If we find him that is.'

The doorbell rang and Greg rose to answer it. Two policeman stood there.

'Well it took long enough,' Sarah snapped 'I called three hours ago.'

'The police department is very busy ma'am,' the bigger of the men replied.

'Bull shit,' Scott objected 'Dean Winchester, coach of the Knicks and a known out and proud homosexual. What do you expect for New York's so called finest.'

'Listen pal, I told you. We were busy,' The officer stood taller, whilst the one next to him stiffened.

'I'm sure, circling the block a few times and dropping into Krispy Kreme's,' Scott scoffed.

'You better watch what crap comes out of your mouth,' The shorter one stepped forward.

'Freedom of speech asshole,' Scott didn't back down.

'Scott please,' Sarah reminded him they had more important things to worry about.

'Sure, sorry Sam,' Scott sat down but continued to glare at the coppers.

'Alright, so this missing person is Dean Winchester?' the tall officer asked.

'Yeah,' Sam confirmed.

'And you've filled in a missing person's report?' the shorter one asked.

'No…he just left and took all his stuff with him,' Sam explained.

'…he just left?' the officer asked dully.

'Yes, but he was in a car accident a few weeks ago,' Greg added quickly.

'And he's currently suffering from retrograde amnesia,' Tristan added.

'Amnesia?' the tall policeman asked disbelieving.

Sam stood up, ran into his office, came back and slammed a folder of papers on the small table.

'His doctor's papers on rest, rehabilitation and medication,' Sam presented.

'And you are?' the tall officer asked.

'Dr Samuel McQueen, I'm Dean Winchesters lover of 12 odd years,' Sam stated proudly.

'Well that's all very nice sir,' the shorter policeman tensed 'But we must wait 24 hours before-,'

'Surely his current mental state would exclude the waiting period?' Tristan cut in.

'Be careful how you answer that question,' Andy warned 'I'm the assistant DA of New York.'

'And I play golf with the mayor every fortnight,' Tommy added.

'I'm not a golfing man but I know many important people who owe me a lot of favours and have a lot of money,' Scott added.

'Look, none of that crap means a flying fuck here,' the policeman exploded 'You have to wait 24 hours!'

The doorbell rang again, breaking the huge amount of tension and testosterone filling the air. Greg came back once again with Jake, Maggie, Corbet, Zeddmore, Spruce and several interns in toe.

Jake pulled out his big shiny shield and faced his lessers.

'Detective Sergeant,' one of the policeman greeted 'There's no need for you to be here we have the situation in hand.'

'Bull shit they do,' Scott stood up 'They're not going to do a god damn thing until tomorrow night, what fucking police work is that.'

'Now listen here you little,' the big guy stepped forward.

'That's enough,' Jake spoke up 'Now officers, I want you take the missing persons report, then I want you to put out a bolo, send around a photo to every car, I want everyone out there looking for Dean Winchester you got it?

'Yes sir!' the shorter one spoke.

'But sir-,'

'That was an order, Dean Winchester is a personal friend of mine, and as he has given the captain free Knicks tickets in the past I doubt the captain will be friendly to those responsible for delaying the search for a man that scored him seats next to Jack Nicholson,' Jake glared.

'Jake man, hero of the hour!' Anson clapped Jake on the back.

They all waited until the policeman had taken all they needed and left before addressing why several doctors and interns were currently in Sam's apartment.

'Figured you'd need help searching all of New York so here we are,' Maggie smiled.

'And we brought interns!' Spruce clapped his hands together 'the one that finds Dean Winchester gets to scrub in on one major surgery for each attending. On you marks, get set, go interns go!'

The search for Dean was pretty well distributed. Jake and the police were searching the streets, Anson was searching places related to Dean's work with Tommy, whilst Sarah stayed at home with the twins. Corbet and Ed were searching the hospital, Maggie and most of the interns were checking homeless shelters, one at a time. Scott and Andy hoped on Scott's jet and flew down to Dean and Sam's spot in Mexico, just in case. Greg and Tristan went back to search Stanford after a call Tristan made to his Dad, who was still the Dean. John, after a similar phone call, flew back down to his and Dean's hometown to check in on old schools, homes, the garage and Dean's mother's grave. Missouri called _Sam_ and told him she'd keep an eye out and not to worry. Sam called his brother as well just in case Dean returned to Sam's old home.

Sam then called an old friends of Dean and John, including one very painful and awkward conversation with Bella Talbot. Sam asked Sarah if she would stay at his place with the kids whilst Sam searched himself. As soon as she was settled in Sam was out the door and on a plane. Calling a head to hire a rental care to drive into Maple Bay.

When Sam arrived at airport he rang Dean's old teaching friend Ash, still currently working at the school and told him about the situation. Ash had immediately agreed when Sam asked if he could borrow Ash's set of keys to look around the school in case Dean had managed to drive himself down here in the long precious hours he had available to him during Sam's absence and then his panic. Ash met Sam at gates of the college, handed him half of they keys and then they split up to search the grounds. It was a weekend so the school was emptied. Sam opened up the doors into the hall of his former school. Familiar scents assaulted his senses and triggered schemas of memories of better times.

Sam remembered the squabble between the cheating teacher, his wife and his mistress, who were also all teachers at the college. Dean had hurried in to break it up, Sam had glared at him when the commotion had passed; angry at Dean for forcing him to face his attractions and feelings toward another man.

Sam continued to walk down the hallway, he passed the vice principles office, recalling the time he and Walker junior had both been sent there after they broke into their fight during pe. Dean had come to his rescue with that knowing smirk, and took Sam off to the hall to play one on one and blow off some steam. Sam poked his head in, but found nothing but a familiar room, with unfamiliar furniture. Sam resumed his pacing down the hallway, looking in and checking in every room.

Sam checked the library thoroughly, he stood in the exact same spot he had stood 17 odd years ago, when on his birthday, Dean had pressed him up against the rack and touched him and kissed him until they were nearly busted by a librarian.

'_Holy crap,' Sam breathed out and gave a shaky laugh._

'That is why I hate god damn librarians,' Dean grumbled and squeezed Sam's flaccid member 'they're a god damn turn off.'

Sam laughed and pulled away from the wall.

'We'll finish later,' Sam promised and did up his pants.

'Yeah,' Dean sighed 'Too bad you're doing the whole family bonding thing tonight…or are you hanging out with the guys, I'm confused.'

Sam hit Dean in the stomach teasingly.

'So pizza and beer at my place sound good?' Dean asked.

'_Sounds perfect,'_

When Sam checked the principals office he physically had to stop for a moment, remembering that moment he and Dean had been caught, Sam had been taken here and questioned by police. Sam had been so desperate then, to protect Dean, he had practically thrown himself to the wolves, terrified of what would happen to Dean if they found out Sam had been sleeping with him whilst he was still 17. That Sam would never see his beautiful older lover again. Nostalgia and sorrow hit him hard, he had to put his head between his knees and take deep steady breaths.

The hall was the last key on the chain. Sam unlocked the door and stepped inside, it was empty and dark. His shoes made the familiar protesting noise as he made his way toward the stairs to descend into the offices of the physical education staff. Sam reached the bottom, and his heart jumped in his chest at the sight of Dean's old office. Sam rested his forehead against the glass, trying to calm down as he placed his hand on the doorknob. Sam pushed the door open.

The room was dark, Sam flipped the switch, still remembering exactly where it was. The room was empty, but unchanged from the years Sam had been away. A whiney noise escaped Sam's throat and he let himself fall to the floor. Letting the helplessness and complete sorrow take him over as he sobbed. This had been his best and only hope. Sam knew then, that he had lost Dean forever.

Sam sat on the hood of his rental, watching Ash drive away. His phone rang, Sam checked caller id and answered.

'Hey,' Sam greeted.

'Hey kid,' John spoke 'How'd it go down there?'

'Nothing. There's nothing here. I thought of all places…I just thought he'd come here,' Sam despaired.

'Yeah, I thought so too. Just ringing to let you know that so far there's been no sign of him down here, but I'll keep driving around everywhere, he could still show,' John encouraged.

'Okay, thanks,' Sam replied.

'So what are you going to do now?' John asked 'You gonna catch a flight back? Or are you going to stay around there in case he shows as well?'

'Yeah, I think I'll check again tomorrow, maybe the traffics bad somewhere,' Sam shrugged.

'You gonna go home? Stay with your Mom and your brother for the night?' John asked.

'Nah, I'll go stay at a hotel, I don't want to bother them. Ben's got mountains of University work and Mom usually goes to sleep early every night, so she'd be too tired to handle a visit from me at the moment,' Sam rationalised.

'Well, rather than stay at a hotel…you know those two houses I had in Maple Bay when you and Dean started…you know,' John broke off.

'Yeah?'

'Well I still own em,' John confessed 'I rent em out, brings in a bit of cash, but no ones occupying em at the moment, if you one stay the night at one of 'em?'

'John…I dunno,' Sam sighed, after all the emotional flashbacks today, Sam was really to exhausted to deal with anymore of that crap today.

'It'll keep you close to the school, and you never know, Dean might show up there or something?' John rationalised.

Sam frowned, out of all the places he and Dean had stayed, John's place was the one they had spent the least amount of time in. and they had been happier in other homes, their first apartment, Mexico. But John was right it was a possibility, and it was getting late.

'Sure thing, thanks John,' Sam sighed.

'No worries kid, the key's still under the third brick on the right,' John informed him.

'Thanks old man, I'll talk to you tomorrow,' Sam promised and hung up.

Dean sat in front of the fire place, he felt weak and exhausted, he hadn't eaten or slept in 24 hours. But every time he closed his eyes all he could see was Sam. Sam, Sam, Sam. His thoughts were consumed with him. He really was a masochist. Every thought just made him ache. Dean laid back on the rug and closed his eyes. He needed sleep, even if it came with a price. Dean was drifting off, he was almost there when the sound of something falling forced him abruptly awake. Dean sat up, and for a moment thought he was still dreaming. Sam was standing there in the room, looking at him with shock. Then Sam spoke his name and he knew it wasn't a dream.

'Dean,' Sam moved toward him and Dean shuffled back.

His heart was pounding in his chest, he felt like he was being broken in half. He longed for Sam, wanted to wrap himself up in Sam, but his heart was aching knowing that Sam didn't care. That Sam loved his work first. Dean was ashamed at the part of him that was willing to accept that, to settle for second place if he meant he could be with his Sammy.

'Dean,' Sam spoke again, and suddenly Sam was wrapped all around him.

Dean blinked, shocked. And then shut his eyes, breathing in the smell of Sam, letting himself swim in his feelings for Sam, before coming back to himself, and although it hurt, oh god it hurt, pushed at Sam and forced distance between them.

'Sam let me go,' Dean asked.

Sam looked at Dean surprised and shook his head.

'Let me go Sam,' Dean asked him again and pushed harder on Sam's shoulders, but still unable to summon the strength to push him away.

'No,' Sam spoke softly.

'LET ME GO!' Dean shouted and tried to twist out of Sam's grip.

'No, please Dean I need you to talk to me,' Sam urged and tried to pull Dean back around to face him.

'I don't want to talk, just let me go,' Dean begged and tried to pull away.

Sam pulled Dean closer.

'Then please, let me explain, please Dean!' Sam begged 'Just let me explain.'

'Why should I!' Dean shouted 'I loved you, and you treated me like I was nothing! I begged you to talk to me, I begged you.'

'I know, I know, I'm so sorry Dean. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, a thousand times I'm sorry,' Sam whimpered.

'I don't care, I don't care, just let me go!' Dean yelled.

Sam pushed Dean down onto the floor and pinned him there.

'Please let me explain,' Sam begged. Dean pulled, and kicked and struggled, he just didn't to get away. To get away from Sam while he still had the strength, before he just gave up and pulled Sam close and never let him go. Then he felt something wet hit his face that made him stop.

Dean looked up and saw tears were running down Sam's face. He looked…sad. Not just sad, broken. Sam looked as though he had lost something, something vital.

'Please Dean,' Sam whimpered 'Please let me explain.'

'Why Sam! Why? If you didn't love me then why didn't you just leave? Why put me through all that?' Dean begged of him.

'I loved you,' Sam denied 'I never stopped loving you. It's why…it's why I pulled away.'

'I don't understand,' Dean confessed.

'M-my Dad, he past away three years ago,' Sam started.

'I remember,'

'Two months after he died my mother tried to commit suicide,' Sam told him 'I never told you that, when I left to see her I told you she had been in an accident. I don't know why I didn't tell you.'

'When I saw her…I was shocked. She was completely broken, she wouldn't eat, she barely slept and she didn't care. Not about anything. Not me or my brother or sister, not her job, not her life. All she cared about was that my father was gone. That she would never see him again. Never talk to him, never simply sit next to him, or smell him. The thought scared me, I had never known that fear before, I was afraid, that I would become her,' Sam confessed.

'I…I always thought that we were like my parents, as a couple. We were completely different people and you were in no way like my father but- they loved each other. They really loved each other and in that way I always thought we were the same. I thought about what I would feel if I lost you and then I knew. I knew for certain that I would become my mother,' Sam spoke with absolute certainty 'I love you so much it consumes me Dean, every second of every day I love you. And it terrifies me. Not if, but when I loose you, I won't be able to live, I won't care about anything, I'll just miss you. That love I have for you will…I'll be in pain, I'll still love you every second of everyday and it will kill me.'

Sam began to cry again.

'I became so terrified. I woke up everyday so afraid that I would loose you, or that you would loose me, it was tearing me a part.' Sam went on 'So I tried to pull away, if just a little bit of that intensity would go away, if I could feel less than what I feel for you now. But it didn't work, not matter what I did, I still loved you limitlessly. So I tried to make you hate me, I could never, not ever leave you. But if you could leave me.'

Tears ran down Dean's freckled cheeks.

'I'm sorry, I'm stupid and it was stupid and if only I had told you. If only I told you what I was feeling. But I was afraid of that too, what if you agreed with me, what if you decided to end it, or…I don't know, I wanted you to leave so I don't know why I would be afraid of that…I didn't know what I was doing. I just had to do something. I- fuck!' Sam cursed 'God Dean I love you, and I'm so, so sorry. I'll do anything to make it up to you. I'll do anything, anything you ask of me.'

They both lay there, breathing deep, starring at the other. Then Dean raised his leg and delivered a swift kick. Sam double over and Dean pulled back.

'You bastard!' Dean cried picked up a pillow and threw it at Sam 'You fucking bastard!'

'Why you!' Dean shouted 'Why me? If you wanted me gone, why didn't you leave me at the hospital, why'd you have to take me back home, why'd you have care about me and make me- why take care of me if you needed me gone!'

'I couldn't, I couldn't leave you, when you were in the accident. It was like everything I had been so afraid of had happened, only it was worse because you thought I hated you. Even when I loved you with everything I-,' Sam broke himself off 'I learned to value every second you were here, everyday you were here after the accident, every day I took care of you. The fear faded, because I had you, I treasured the time, every fucking second you were with me.'

'You selfish asshole,' Dean cursed.

'Why you, why'd did it have to be you!' Dean ranted 'Why did you have to make me…why'd you have to make fall in love with you all over again.'

Sam looked at him with complete shock.

'I love you, I love you so much,' Dean confessed and sagged against Sam.

Sam wrapped himself around Dean, and Dean clung to him.

'Everything that I am, all of me, loves you Dean,' Sam promised 'I always will.'

Dean pulled back and rested their foreheads together. Sam sighed and breathed him in deep.

'I'm sorry Dean,' Sam whispered tears rising again 'I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I'm so sorry.'

'I know,' Dean rasped and pressed his lips against Sam's.

Sam melted and parted his lips immediately. Dean slipped his tongue inside and Sam moaned. That kiss was filled with everything heat, passionate and desperate need. Sam was clinging to Dean's shirt as the older man ravaged his mouth. Dean raised Sam's shirt off his body and trailed his hands down Sam's muscular physique. Sam's head dropped back, loosing himself in Dean's touch. Dean took advantage and laid hot, desperate kisses on Sam's neck as he cupped his lovers ass and squeezed.

'More Dean,' Sam whined and pulled Dean closer, they had to get much closer 'Need you to touch me, don't ever stop touching me.'

Dean slipped his hands in the back of Sam's pants and teased his whole. Sam whimpered and pressed back into Dean's touch. Very soon after that, both the boys were naked and arching up against each other as they both stroked and teased, and pumped each other's cocks. Pre come spreading across thighs and chests.

'Please Dean, I need you in me,' Sam begged.

Dean continued to thrust into Sam's hand as he rolled his thumb across the head of Sam's cock. Sam keened and bit on his lower lip, before he reached up and stroked Dean's tongue with his own.

'Please Dean, need you, need you so much,' Sam pleaded.

Dean spread Sam's legs a part which made the younger thrust up toward him and make a beautiful noise in the back of his throat. Dean began to push himself inside of his lover, but then his eyes met Sam's and he paused. Sam was looking at him, with obvious unclouded emotion. Tears were running down his face and the sight tore Dean's heart in two.

Sam frowned when Dean stopped, he reached up and pulled Dean impossibly close to himself. Resting their foreheads together once again, and panting into each others mouths.

'Love you Dean,' Sam told him, Dean knew without a shread of doubt that it was true.

'You too Sammy,' Dean confessed.

'God I missed you calling me that. You have no idea,' Sam cried.

'Sammy, Sammy, Sammy,' Dean whispered and then pulled Sam into a long deep and passionate kiss.

Sam wrapped his arms around Dean and completely lost himself in Dean's kiss. Then Dean thrust forward and up to the hilt, inside Sam, making the younger cry into Dean's mouth with the sudden burst of pleasure.

Dean took Sam's hands in his and entwined their fingers together. Then slowly and teasingly began to swivel his hips and work the angle he knew that would barely brush Sam's prostate. Sam was crying out and undulating underneath him, a swearing, sweaty mess. Dean loved every second of it, loved seeing Sammy, his Sammy fall a part for him. Only for him.

'Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean, Dean,' Sam chanted and lifted his hips with each thrust, trying to get Dean to slip deeper.

Finally Dean stopped teasing and pushed inside Sam hard and fast. Sam tightened around him and screamed his name, eyes practically rolling into the back of his head.

Dean locked gazes with Sam as they rocked together, each thrust bringing them oh so closer before they finally both came hard, all over each other.

'Sam,' Dean whispered 'Please don't throw me away like that again, I…won't be able to take it. I seriously think it'll kill me.'

Sam cupped Dean's face and wrapped his legs around Dean, keeping his lover inside his body maintaining the incredible intimacy that they only shared during sex, so Dean would know he was telling the truth.

'Never,' Sam promised 'You'll see. You and me. This is forever.'

Dean laid back in Sam's arms and stroked his lovers palm with his fingers.

'I look forward to having you prove that to me.' Dean spoke and smiled that oh so familiar grin that had been missing for weeks now.

Finally, Sam was home.


	9. Epilogue

Epilogue

Sam sat at table outside his favourite café. It was on the street, surrounded by the weekly market. Crowds of people were mingling, admiring the stalls and being social with other locals. It was a particularly hot day, Sam's shirt was sticking to his back and he was incredibly thirsty, hence the stopping at the café. Sam's pocket vibrated, he picked up the phone and held it to his hear.

'Hello?' Sam greeted.

'Waaaasssuuuuuuup!' a voice greeted on the other line.

'Okay, I'm hanging up now,' Sam informed the guy one the line.

'Come on dude, lighten up a bit,' Andy sighed on the phone.

'Well I have to admit, that was a little amusing, like a grandfather trying to talk smack to be cool for his grandkids. Far out, groovy man,' Sam teased.

'Bite me McQueen,' Andy replied wittily 'So, Tristan tells me you've run away again.'

'I'm sure I don't know what you mean,' Sam drawled and looked out among the crowd.

'I called him to confirm his and Greg's attendance next week and I mentioned you,' Andy went on 'Next thing I know I'm still on the phone with him two hours later, and he's done nothing but complain about certain heart surgeons in his practise which leave work for a few weeks every two months to escape down to their home in Mexico, with no contact numbers and no notice.'

'That doesn't sound like me,' Sam scoffed at the same moment a mariachi band walked past, music loud and unsmotherable.

'Yeah, you're right, it sounds like you're hard at work,' Andy spoke sarcastically 'You owe me $300 in phone bills bitch. Christ that guy complains a lot, I don't know why he doesn't just fire your ass.'

'He needs me,' Sam replied honestly 'I'm one of the best. Plus I'm the best friend he has outside of his bedroom.'

'Sure,whatever man,' Andy snorted 'So did you hear about Scott and Tommy's recent drama?'

'Yeah man, I was there remember? They fly me down with them for basketball with you losers every Sunday,' Sam sighed.

'No, I mean their recent, recent drama?' Andy asked.

'…I have no idea,' Sam rolled his eyes.

'Dude it was freaking hilarious, this news reporter was interviewing Scott about this new homeless shelter he opened up, and Tommy was standing next to him being the good supportive board member. When out of nowhere she turns to Tommy and asks so, you must be very proud of your husband's charitable work.' Andy recounted.

'No fucking way!' Sam gaped.

'They both just froze, I swear they were dead pale. I've never laughed so hard in my life!' Andy giggled 'I put it on youtube, I'll email the link to you, I've already sent it to everybody else.'

'You're evil,' Sam remarked.

'Well Anson helped, I can't take all the credit,' Andy acknowledged 'He was over having a few beers with me when it came on the tv.'

'He's already working on putting the follow up interview on youtube. Where Scott tumbles over himself trying to make it clear that they're not married, although there's absolutely nothing wrong with it, if people want to get married, and not to say that he might not in the future, since he's been with his boyfriend for Fifteen years,' Andy laughed 'Those guys are gonna kill me, I swear, I'm gonna suffocate from laughing too hard.'

'Fifteen years huh? Shit we're getting old, come a few years we're gonna be needing canes and wheelchairs,' Sam shuddered.

'This coming from the guy in Mexico kicking back on the beach and having lots and lots of sex,' Andy sighed.

'Yeah, you have a point. I'm quite loving being 33 actually,' Sam sighed.

'Even when the guy you're boning is going on 37?' Andy asked.

'Mmm but he's a hot 37 year old. He's got the Brad Pitt, Johnny Depp thing going on. The reverse aging process, I swear he keeps getting hotter and hotter,' Sam's thoughts drifted to the night before….and then this morning 'With age comes wisdom, experience, and innovation…lots of innovation, and skill. Yeah, he's got a gift.'

'Ew dude,' Andy winced on the line.

Said lover exited the café at the moment, cool long drinks in hand and looking amongst the tables searching for Sam. Sam's heart warmed at the sight, there's no other way of describing it, Adoration and affection welled up in him as well as that ever present pesky annoying feeling that refused to go away, even after twelve years of putting up with each other, one and a half years of trying to distance himself and pushing his lover away, one year of support and recuperation through illness and another two years of unfailing devotion whilst setting up a new life in Miami.

Sam raised his hand and felt a huge smile spread across his face. Dean spotted him, and was unable to stop returning the honest and sincere grin. Dean walked over and sat down beside him, sliding Sam's drink across the table for him.

'Thank you,' Sam mouthed. Dean winked at him in return before sitting back and sipping on his own drink whilst Sam finished up with the phone call.

'So was there any other reason you're calling other than to bitch about Tristan or spread gossip about Scott and Tommy?' Sam asked.

'Yeah, I was just wondering if this little vacation of yours is going to end before mid next week. I don't know if you remember but there's a certain special event-,' Andy started.

'Relax Andy, we promised remember. No way Dean would miss his godsons third birthday,' Sam comforted.

Across the table Dean grinned and sat forward, snatching the phone from Sam's hand.

'Hey Gallagher,' Dean greeted 'Tell my little godsons, not to worry, I wouldn't leave them alone with a bunch of boring adults and kids who still wear diapers. I already got their birthday present. Do you think 3 boxes of illegal fireworks is enough or should I go for an even four?'

Sam chuckled and took a sip of his drink.

'Now listen here Winchester-,' Andy started.

'Hu-wa—stu break-ing up- ba ma-later dude.' Dean faked, hung up and turned off Sam's phone before passing it back to his lover 'I thought you turned your phone off?'

'I did, but I turned it back on to use the camera, must have forgotten to turn it back off again,' Sam shrugged.

'Huh, when were you taking photos?' Dean asked.

'To take a photo of that con artists face when you sunk all five balls through his basketball hoop,' Sam grinned, no need to tell Dean about the dozen other photos or so he had taken of Dean when he was unaware. Wouldn't want his lover to think he was getting soft.

'Really?' Dean asked suspiciously and then quickly snagged Sam's phone back.

'No! Wait Dean!' Sam reached back but Dean back up out of reach.

Dean scrolled through the photos with a mischievous grin on his face. Then the smile fell away and Sam hung his head in defeat.

'I'm getting soft in my old age,' Sam grumbled 'A few years ago and you would never have gotten that off of me.'

Dean slid the phone back across to Sam. Before taking his lovers hand in his and said

'Wow you must be really embarrassed right now,'

'Shut up!' Sam scowled and pulled away from Dean as his boyfriend laughed at him 'You realise now I'm going to have to induce another round of amnesia. Only this time I'll make it permanent so-.'

Dean pulled him from across the table and pressed their lips together cutting Sam off. Lips parted them softly and tongues swept across each other. Sam moaned and wrapped his arms around Dean, aggravation completely forgotten.

They pulled away and rested their foreheads together for a moment before sitting back down and returning to their drinks.

Sam loved Mexico, or more specifically their area of Mexico it was the only place where they could be together like this without receiving glares or judgement. It was their own little fantasy town. Their safe haven. However hot it was.

The drinks didn't last long, and with Dean's encouragement they were once more walking down the markets, browsing the stalls, checking out the exotic fruits Sam loved so much. Then they were walking back home. To spend the night lying out on the beach, or lounging at home, or making love as long and as hard or as soft and gentle as they wanted. Beside him Dean reached over and took Sam's hand in his. It was so perfect. It was almost bittersweet because they knew they would have to return next week. But they'll be back, two months from now, when Dean looks at him with that mischievous smile on his face and asks that same question he asked of Sam at the prom fifteen years ago.

'Come with me,'

And Sam would, and always will. Until death do they part, and maybe not even then.


End file.
